Friday, October 13, 2017

VOICE FADE

One day (a couple of years ago), I realised I'd forgotten Daddy's voice. Yes, it had been (at that time) almost 20 years since I last heard him and I was 14 at that time - but how could I forget? I didn't think it was possible. Especially since I thought his sudden demise would have made me latch on to every possible sensory memory about him - for as long as I could. Was this all as long as I could?

I felt it must be a temporary blur - maybe I was sleepy. Tired. Or maybe there were too many other things on my mind. I tried to remember incidents where I could recall his exact words and tried to say them as I thought he might have said them. How could I validate it, though? I could even remember him singing. And the way he sang certain phrases. But not his actual voice! As the weekend dissipated in exasperation, I had to sadly admit... that... I had indeed forgotten his voice.

I tried to contact some relatives, family friends, people I hoped may have a recording of any of their life events (in which, hopefully, Daddy had participated). Managed to track down some visuals, but no audio. Or background music drowning natural sound.

I am happy, though, that I remember him in spirit. And that I have vivid visual memory of some incidents. And lessons (that I realised were lessons after he died).

My only joy in extended family events is when someone recalls him or says I am like him in ways they remember.

He would have been 63 today.

Thursday, October 05, 2017

WORKING NOT WORKING

Electronic equipment at work always seems to have a way of making me look like a fool.

All it takes for a software error to vanish or for a laptop to get connected to the office network is to take it to IT Support (or call them to my desk). And when I try to demonstrate what's not working - it works ABSOLUTELY fine, making them wonder if the only things not working are my eyes.



Thursday, September 28, 2017

TO BLOG AGAIN...

Possibly the biggest change I've introduced into my life was my decision to start living in a new country. Leaving behind so much that was known, leaping into something completely unknown - no guarantees, no obvious directions... this wasn't the me I'd known all my life. Almost as if to desperately find positivity, I coerced myself to believe that moving out of my comfort zone was a good thing.

As a consequence of this change, I also ended up increasing my geographical distance from several human connections - ones that I enjoyed and ones that I could have grown to enjoy. True love knows no geography, I believed when I was younger. Yes, I really did - haha! To be accurate, though, even if nothing happens to the 'love', its practical everyday manifestation (be it articulation or demonstration) is severely endangered by distance.

So what do I do with my plentiful thoughts, my ideas, my jokes and my observations that I seem to have when no one's available to share with? I could say them aloud in an empty room and forget them forever. Or I could record them here, because it feels like there's a chance someone (including an older me) may like to partake in my sharing.

Monday, March 02, 2015

SILENCE AND NOISE

I wish it didn't have to be
The deafening din of silence
To teach me the value
Of your reassuring noise.

Monday, February 16, 2015

THE FATHER FACTOR

Realised something about myself when I watched this ad, and the many memes after India defeated Pakistan yet again in a World Cup match. More than anything else, I connected with the father's heart - explaining cricket to his doting son, sharing his feelings about the match, wanting his son to experience the joy he couldn't, and finally watching his heart sink in disappointment. 

Yes, I'm happy India won today. Yes, I'm aware the father-son in this ad were just actors. Yet, in every country, fathers are fathers - in that they want nothing more than to see happiness on their children's faces. And I realised I'm too much of an emotional father to watch this ad as just an Indian cricket fan. I'm sad this little boy would have cried again today.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

I SWEAR (IN)

Swelling with positive reinforcement, to see that a common man without a political background (armed with honesty and intelligence) can rise above cynicism, hate, and negative propaganda - with the will to make a difference to our country! Thank you to my fellow Indian citizens in Delhi, for giving me the opportunity to experience this moment of extreme pride and humility at the same time! ‪#‎IAmArvind‬

Thursday, November 20, 2014

MY OLD FRIENDS

I first saw you twenty years ago, and then you went away with no promise of return. You thrived in my thoughts, my words, and sometimes even in my actions. The world made wisecracks about my excessive fondness for you, but I unblinkingly flicked their sniggers away with the sheer happiness you brought to me, time and again. I managed to stay in constant touch with one of you over time, but to see you both together again is a unique return to those teenage years! -
Sometimes, it becomes possible to wait for years; but unbearable is the wait for those few hours, or minutes, as the actual moment approaches! I can't wait to see you guys again tomorrow! Bursting at the seams with excitement!

#dumbanddumbertomovie

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