SILLY SIP

Had the worst papaya juice in my life!! NEVER try this brand, folks!      

CAN YOU SEE THE LOGIC?

Have seen this billboard in several locations in Bangalore; this one near Silk Board Jn (Thanks for the pic, Raju). Pray, what would the logic be? That the person who CANNOT see the image of the eye CAN READ the smaller font below it, and CAN ALSO READ the mobile number which is in smaller font? By the way, if someone can't see the eye nor the words, what the hell are they doing at the traffic signal at Silk Board Junction?!

FIFA WC 2010 FINAL - PAUL Vs MANI

I am totally tickled by the global popularity achieved by Paul the Octopus and Mani the Parakeet. While the former is an international, death-threat-receiving celebrity, the latter is a relatively less famous Singaporean 'psychic bird'. Both of them hit the headlines because of their ability to "predict" the outcomes of the FIFA 2010 World Cup matches. But the grand final promises to reveal who the real king is - Paul has chosen Spain to win FIFA WC 2010, while Mani has picked Holland!

So, will it be Paul or Mani? (more interesting for me than the outcome of the match itself!)

While we wait to find out, check out this video of yet another animal prophet, this time an amateur cocker spaniel - Leone the Psychic Dog. (My favourite part is between 1:17 and 1:28 - when the owner spins Leone around, counting from one to ten - ha ha!)



I hear the KiLi Josiyars Association of Tamil Nadu is planning to send a contingent of parrots & their owners to the 2011 Cricket World Cup.

OOPS - WHO DID IT, AGAIN?

I read somewhere, this morning, that actress Meghna Naidu's e-mail account had been hacked into, and that the hacker has been e-mailing Meghna's contacts announcing she's pregnant! Poor Meghna... horrible thing to happen.. and all that.

But just now - I see this headline for a story covering this same incident, that screams - "IMPERSONATOR GETS MEGHNA NAIDU PREGNANT". Talk about sensationalist misrepresentation! I have seen some pretty manipulated headlines, but this one is pretty wicked (while the general thought of "someone getting pregnant by an impersonator" is hilarious!).

BUS FUN - PART 2: GAMES

Continuing with Bus Fun, this post is a list of the most popular games played in BMTC buses. The rules are fairly simple, but could be lethally confusing for the uninitiated.

1.Secret Number
When you hand the conductor excess money to buy your ticket, he/she will scribble a secret number on the back of your ticket and hand it to you. To decipher this number, you must subtract the ticket value from the amount you tended. The objective of this game is to squeeze your way through the crowd (only when you are 10 seconds or less from reaching your bus stop) to the conductor (who is usually at the farthest possible distance from you in the bus) and get your balance amount back.

Bonus Trivia: Conductors say this game helps them attend to more commuters faster, but it has been scientifically proven that it takes longer to scribble the number on the back of the ticket than it would take to dig into their bag for the change.

2.Thore See
The commuter boards the bus. The conductor makes eye contact and says "tigit-tigit", to which the commuter says "Pass". If the conductor smells a rat, he says "Thore See". At this point, the commuter must quickly produce the bus pass. If he cannot, he will be flung out of the bus. If the conductor doesn't say "Thore See", the commuter gets a free bus ride.

Bonus Trivia: "Thore see" means "please show" in Kannada. This game is believed to have been inspired by the card game 'Bluff'.

3.Couth Coley
This game involves waiting for a seated commuter to vacate his/her seat. The main challenge is to compete with two hundred other standing commuters vying for the same seat. Other challenges include false starts provided by the seated commuter. A man may pretend to vacate his seat by half-rising, but checking his back-pocket-wallet and sitting down again, or a woman may half-stand, only to adjust her saree pallu and sit down again. During these precarious moments, you have to strategise your leg angle, dig elbows into stronger competitors, or brush your private parts against easily-offended competitors.

Bonus Trivia: "Couth coley" (kooth-ko-Lee) means "please sit" in Kannada. This game appears to have been inspired by the all-time party favourite 'Musical Chairs'.

Note to bus commuters from other Indian cities: These games may be played in bus services across India, but known by other names. I have referenced "BMTC" because of my usage/proximity with them.

BUS FUN - PART 1: LINGO

Being a frequent BMTC (public transport bus service in Bangalore) commuter, I am compiling this lingo list for newbies. Thank me later.

1.Holdeen
Pronunciation: whole-dean. preferably whole-deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen
Meaning: Beseechment to the driver to halt the bus.
Origin: Old English hold on
Usage: Typically screamed by a commuter or conductor to the bus driver, when a commuter has failed to get in to or get out of the bus.

2.Strite
Pronunciation: strite (rhymes with write)
Meaning: Extending continuously in the same direction without curving.
Origin: Old English straight
Usage: Question "What route does this bus follow to JP Nagar?"; Answer "Strite"

3.Tigit
Pronunciation: tig-eat, ti-yet
Meaning: Request to the commuter to buy the slip that entitles him the trip.
Origin: Old English ticket
Usage: Usually uttered quickly and repeatedly, until the commuter can no longer pretend not to have heard the conductor - Tigeet-tigeet-tigeet, Tiyet-tiyet-tiyet-tiyet

4.Pass
Pronunciation: pass
Meaning: Declaration of possession of a card that entitles the commuter to travel in the bus.
Usage: Spoken by the commuter to the conductor when their eyes meet.

Typical Scene:
Conductor looks at commuters in bus, one by one.
Person 1: "Pass" (conductor moves to next person..)
Person 2: "Pass" (conductor moves to next person..)
Person 3: "Pass" (conductor moves to next person..)
Person 4: "Railway Station" (hands ten-rupee note to conductor)
For some reason, this always reminds me of a quiz competition.

5.Levot
Pronunciation: lay-vote
Meaning: A planned area in the city
Origin: Old English layout
Usage: Mico Levot, Arakere Levot

6.Maystick
Pronunciation: meigh (to rhyme with 'weigh') stick
Meaning: Kempegowda Bus Stand (KBS)
Origin: Old English majestic
Usage: Though buses still display KBS in writing, no one refers to it by that name. Maystick it is.

7.Dorro Punmaadi
Pronunciation: door open maadi. (Stress on the 'r' real hard. Like 'rrrr')
Meaning: Beseechment to bus driver to allow commuter to exit the bus.
Origin: Old English door, open; New Kannada maadi

COOLNESS WORLD

Every business is trying to sound cool these days. Not sure if this is a new thing but I noticed Sree Krishna Collection is aggressively marketing itself as SKC. And Naidu Hall is calling itself NaiHaa (sounds like the thamizh name for Chihuahua!)

A few years ago in Chennai, my friend took me to this place in Triplicane called MIS. Murugan Idli Shop!!

The other naming convention that amuses me is the appendage of the word "world" to a not-so-big shop's name. Electronics World, Furniture World, Computer World... Near my house is this little stall that accommodates only one standing person and one hanging clump of meat that's called Mutton World (this one's my favourite!). It IS a small world, in this case !

I'm thinking of changing this blog's name to OJS. Or should it be Orangeworld?

PRERECORDED LOVE

Does anybody use the message templates on their mobile phones? The ones that read, "In a meeting", "See you at", "Busy now. Will call later", and so on. I was scanning through the various options they have, and was terribly amused to see this one:

"I love you too"

Clearly, a boon for all those who have no time for their nagging partners - haha!
Folks, feel free to come up with your own ideas for message templates, and post them in the comments section :-)

CINE PATRIOTS

Independence Day was celebrated with much aplomb on all television channels - freedom fighters Gaana Ulaganathan, Maanicka Vinayagam, Simran, Vikram, AR Rahman, Jeyam Ravi and others taught us how to be united and proud of our motherland. We are fortunate to be living in the same era as these people who have won freedom for us.

UPDATED

Received this pop-up on my computer out of the blue, that was gracious enough to let me know that I "have been updated"! I didn't even know I had something called Viewpoint Media Player installed on my computer!

Well, now that I have been updated, I hope I work better!

P.S: Something else on this blog has been updated - anyone notice? :-)

MY TAKE ON "VAALA MEEN"

I wasn't too crazed by the Vaala Meen song from Chithiram Pesudhadi, until it became such a cult hit! It wasn't funny like most other gaana songs, but for people who know their aquatic sciences, it is a very clever song to be able to string the names of several sea world creatures to describe a marriage situation.

Narayanan Venkitu suggested that I make a song in the tune of Vaala Meen. I was able to string together a love situation using a range of shaving items :-) This song is dedicated to you, Narayanan Sir!

Thanks so much to my little sister for donating webspace to upload my song!

To listen to my song, right-click the link below and Save Target as...
>>Saving Blade-kkum Saving Cream-kkum Kalyaanam<<

LYRICS
Intro
TOPAZ TOPAZ topa TOPAZ TOPAZ topa to to to to

Pallavi
SAVING BLADE-kkum SAVING CREAM-kkum kalyaanam
Adhil SAVING BRUSS oodhudhayya naayanam
Indha mogathu mele nadakkudhayya thirumanam
Adhukkapprom poosum AFTERSAVE narumanam

Chorus
Kalyanamaam kalyaanam enakkeppa nadakkum kalyaanam (2)

Charanam 1
Kaadhal oru GODREJ adhukku age illeengo
Andha LAZER paarva pattuchuna lesil thappa mudiyuma
Vazhakkama kaalayila pathu manikku muzhichavan
Ava mogatha paakka veliyil poga 7 O'CLOCK vizhikkiran
Vishayam therinja kudumbathukku WILKINSONS SWORD-ungo
Avangala porutha varaikkum kaadhal oru nonsense word-ungo
Ada kaadhal varum munne manasu sorasorappaa irundhuchu, vazhavazhappa maarichu!

Charanam 2
Kaadhali GILLETTE the best a man can get-tungo
Andha VECTOR PLUS ava kudukkra wet kiss dhaanungo
Appan oru OLD SPICE dhaanungo(2)
Avarukku soappu poda soappu poda PALMOLIVE dhaanungo
Engalukku long live sollungo!

AISHWARYA SUCCEEDS SHAKEELA

Rabindranath Tagore wrote a novel, Chokher Bali, about a young widow who messes up the life of a married man and his family. This novel was made into a movie in 2003, starring Bengali actor Prasenjit, Aishwarya Rai, and Raima Sen.

Three years later, this movie, which depicts complex relationships, adultery, and manipulation of human emotions is being dubbed into Tamil as Aishwarya Rai Oru Perazhagi (meaning "Aishwarya Rai is a stunning beauty") !!! I laughed for 120 seconds non-stop when I first read this!

I wonder if the dialogues in the movie have been retained intact, or whether Raima Sen, when her character has to say "You bitch - you stole my husband from me", says, "You gorgeous bitch, you lured my husband away with your delicious smiles and five-second bare back scene!". Even funnier to imagine this in thamizh! :-)

Indian pornstar Shakeela was the only other actress whose movies, regardless of their names, were only known as "Shakeela movies".

Some other "classics" I can foresee in the pipeline:
(sorry, non-thamizh readers, no fun if I translate)

Raincoat -> Eera Towel-udan Aishwarya
Mistress of Spices -> Aishwarya Oru Vilaimaadhu
Khaakhee -> Aishwaryava Kokkaa
Bride and Prejudice -> Aishwaryavin KaLLa Kaadhal
Bunty Aur Babli -> Aishwaryavum Avanum

SELF CONTROL

These two are the hosts of VaNakkam Thamizhagam (Good Morning Tamilnadu), aired on Sun TV. They have recently entered the Guinness Book of World Records for their amazing display of willpower and self control.

Watch these two clips where they undergo a deadly ordeal and demonstrate their tremendous command over their stomach muscles:

Links to Video: Ordeal 1 | Ordeal 2

Fifteen people from various forms of the media who attempted this feat in the past had failed due to hairline fracture to ribcage, and intestinal haemorrhage caused by excessive colic cramps.

FOOL MEALS - WINNERS!

My mother tongue is Sanskrit.
False. My mother's tongue is pink. Hehe, Telugu it is.
My first pets were morquito larvae.
True. I'd collect them from dirty water, put them in little glass bottles, and love to watch them wriggle around. Even more interesting to watch them metamorph into pupae and finally mosquitoes!
I once gave Rs. 500 to a beggar woman with a hungry child.
False. Can't stand beggars. Think they should be exterminated.
I was state #3 ranker in Std XII.
False. Was only topper in English.
I was offered a role opposite Simran in a thamizh film.
True. Movie: Kicha Vayasu Padhinaaru. Role eventually played by "Boys" Manikandan.
Frustrated with life, I drank one full bottle of cough syrup.
True. I'm amused that many readers found this statement hilariously ridiculous. Well, life's like that!
I wrote a full-length novel when i was 16.
True. Never looked for a publisher though, cos the novel was semi-autobiographical.
I have been engaged twice, both bonds broken within the first few months.
False. Bonds have been broken, but not engagement bonds.
The first time I rode a bicycle was in Std IX.
True. Was always scared of falling down and hurting myself. Over the years, this has transformed to hating traffic, pollution, and fear of parking.
My mom's first cousin: Aishwarya Rai's mom.
False. Aishwarya Rai is not my morapponnu, hehe!

FINAL STANDINGS
Gold: Jo and Netcraze - 8/10
Bronze: Archana and Renuka - 7/10

I really enjoyed this. Thanks so much for the awesome response folks! :-)

FOOL MEALS

On the joyous occasion of All Fools Day, here's a game for my readers. Of the following statements, tell me which are true, and which are false (not for people who already know me) :-)

1. My mother tongue is Sanskrit.
2. My first pets were morquito larvae.
3. I once gave Rs. 500 to a beggar woman with a hungry child.
4. I was state #3 ranker in Std XII.
5. I was offered a role opposite Simran in a thamizh film.
6. Frustrated with life, I drank one full bottle of cough syrup.
7. I wrote a full-length novel when i was 16.
8. I have been engaged twice, both bonds broken within the first few months.
9. The first time I rode a bicycle was in Std IX.
10.My mom's first cousin: Aishwarya Rai's mom.

The prize for the most number of correct answers is Rs. 2 Crore! (ok, now this is an easy one) :-)

GUESS THE SONG

Guess which all-time great song (English) is depicted below:



Let's see who gets it right, first! :-)

DISHUM

Where: Local market place

What: Area dada and his cronies harass poor shopkeepers and vegetable sellers demanding "their share". Hero arrives. Speaks dialogues about sweat, blood, and toil of the poor people, and how he is their representative.

Fight starts. Dishak, Bishaak, Hueeyyy, Uaa (alternating between echo effect, stereo sound, and dolby surround)

Hero jumps, flies, and kicks... bashes the villains who go crashing into shop windows, topple vegetable carts, make vehicle drivers lose balance and their lives, and fall on flower-selling women.

Total Loss
Before hero's entry: Rs.2000
After hero's entry: Rs.2,00,000 + some lives + some hospital charges

AdappaavigaLaa...
AdappaavigaLaa...

OOLAVANDHAAN

This is another song that I wrote and sang some years ago. It was the time when the Kamal Hassan starrer AaLavandhaan (Abhay) was released. I had spoofed that song, as if a dog was singing out for justice against this human dominated society.

Listen to :
OOLAVANDHAAN - A dog's howl for justice

The audio is not very good, but then, I didn't have proper recording equipment with me at that time :-(

JOLLY RAP - LYRICS

Hey buddie..
This is me, this is me
Take it if you like it, or leave it if you think I'm baloney
But this is what I want to be
Jolly me Jolly me

Hey buddie..
This is me, this is me
Take it if you like it, or leave it if you think I'm baloney
But this is what I want to be
Jolly me Jolly me

I eat noodles with my hand, and idli with my chopsticks
Wash my hand in the plate; pick my nose with tooth picks
Five-star hotels, who will go there anyway
Roadside dhaabaas are here to stay

People them they ask me, "Jolly can you rap?"
I tell them "What's the big deal , put the beat and yap"
Look at that Cat; Sitting on my Hat
Beat it on the head with my cricket bat!

Well...
Jolly can be good
Jolly can be sweet
Jolly can be kind
Jolly can be very very bad!

That is me that is me
Take it if you like it, or leave it if you think I'm baloney
But this is what I want to be
Jolly me Jolly me

I sit in Indian style on Western commode
And outside, I go ucha on the road
Look at all these people talking in a funny way
Trying to sound like they are from USA

I don't pretend to understand an English movie
Just because everyone thinks its groovy
I go to no disco, but I know how to dance
If I start my Dappaangoothu, brother, you have no chance

I zoom on my scooter, breathe the fresh air
Leave the shirt open, so you can see my chest hair
Jolly can fall, but Jolly don't hurt
Wearing good clothes, he will roll in the dirt

But that is me that is me
Take it if you like it, or leave it if you think I'm baloney
But this is what I want to be
Jolly me Jolly me

Hey buddie..
This is me, this is me
Take it if you like it, or leave it if you think I'm baloney
But this is what I want to be
Jolly me Jolly me

JOLLY RAP

It was a time when I was totally into composing slow-paced songs with emphasis on lyrics and melody. Friends told me to "update myself" and "get it on" with the "latest trend". That's when I wrote Jolly Rap - my answer in rap to critics' crap, asking them to shut their trap :-)

Four years after it was recorded...
For your listening pleasure...
Only on station ORANGE JUICE!

Here's the song: JOLLY RAP
You may download it and listen! Lemme know what you think :-)

Lyrics (which are in Inglipese) will be provided on demand.