I spent a great amount of time in my teenage years reading about God and religion - different philosophies, interpretations, visualisations, symbolisms... I tried to grasp, experience and dabble with the occult. I reached within the deepest darkest parts of my mind trying to feel more in control of understanding how life worked and deciphering the hidden messages (which seemed quite visible when wearing the right 'glasses'). It all stopped when I was jolted into the humbling realisation that I was trying to measure the volume of the ocean with a teaspoon.
Maybe it was too draining or maybe it was too scary, but I have never tried to go down that route again, and all I have left embedded in my daily mind is the mere acknowledgement of a supreme power. There is no continuous conversation with that power anymore, and perhaps there is an opportunity to re-explore in the coming years - if it can give me more clarity, strength or at least solace.
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