MY OLD FRIENDS

I first saw you twenty years ago, and then you went away with no promise of return. You thrived in my thoughts, my words, and sometimes even in my actions. The world made wisecracks about my excessive fondness for you, but I unblinkingly flicked their sniggers away with the sheer happiness you brought to me, time and again. I managed to stay in constant touch with one of you over time, but to see you both together again is a unique return to those teenage years! -

Sometimes, it becomes possible to wait for years; but unbearable is the wait for those few hours, or minutes, as the actual moment approaches! I can't wait to see you guys again tomorrow! Bursting at the seams with excitement!

#dumbanddumbertomovie

DRENCHED IN MY RAINCOAT

Some movies are properly over when the credits read The End. While some others end leaving me wondering what the hell happened. A few movies end where I fully understand why they ended where they did, yet I'm left with a persistent longing to know more than what was just shown on screen.

Since Rituparno Ghosh's Raincoat is a movie that I'm pretty sure won't have a sequel, the longing will always be in my heart, to know what happened in Manu's (Ajay Devgan) and Neeru's (Aishwarya Rai) life, after The End. But I know why the movie ended where it did.

An active hater of screen (and real-life) characters who are in love with one person but marry another (whatever be the reason), I hated Neeru in the film when she decided to end her eight-year relationship with Manu to marry an affluent man chosen by her parents.

Though the years that had passed since Neeru's wedding had taken a brutal toll on both the lovers' lives - the lengthy rainy afternoon conversation they share, when they meet six years later, is most heart-wrenching. Heart-wrenching despite having no melodramatic moments; it is revealed that through all these years, both Manu and Neeru had safely kept their love wrapped in their hearts. This unravelling is the most beautiful aspect of this film.

I have never liked Aishwarya Rai, until I watched this film. Her forlorn eyes soaked in weariness, in stark contrast to her lips that spoke grandly of the comforts of her marital life, continue to haunt me hours after watching the film.

At a personal level, a few scenes in this movie struck a couple of painful chords. The ones where Manu finds himself hopelessly controlled by the love he still has for Neeru, despite her betrayal of their love. And the ones where Neeru realises she is still possessive about Manu, despite having chosen to lead a life with another man.

Incurable love... Misplaced possessiveness... Damn movie, I can't sleep tonight!

LOOSE GIRL ROWDY BOY

Major Irritant:
Noticing a disturbing trend in thamizh movies of late - justifying anti-social, delinquent behaviour by young people as being natural for that age. Dhanush, especially, must win the lifetime achievement award for portraying the most such roles. For example, in his Yaaradi Nee Mohini, there is a line at the beginning of the film that translates to, "... I was just like every other regular teenager... stealing from my dad's wallet, drinking with friends..." etc. I cannot help but fear life will imitate art here.

Minor Irritants:
I find it extremely difficult to stomach instances of a beautiful girl falling in love with a rowdy/porukki/uncouth/unemployed guy who speaks pages of dialogue to justify his stealing parents' money, smoking, drinking, eveteasing, disrespecting elders - and actually winning the girl's heart.

And after watching Santhosh Subramaniam (Bommarillu in Telugu), I realise I cannot stand instances of guys finding hyper, demented, babytalk-spouting, incessantly chattering girls - CUTE! Genelia's character in that movie makes Sridevi's character in Moonram Pirai (Sadma in Hindi) appear mentally balanced.

அட ச்சே!!
பொறுக்கிய பிடிச்சிருக்குன்னு சொல்ற பொம்பளையும்
லூஸ்-ஐ லவ் பண்றேன்னு சொல்ற ஆம்பளையும்
நல்லா வாழ்ந்ததா சரித்திரமே இருக்க கூடாது!!

ANYTHING IS REALITY

I understand that a major chunk of Indian television suffers from CAATS (Compulsive Aping of American Television Syndrome), a terrible byproduct of which is the concept of reality television, but am beginning to get really confused about what is classified as a "reality show" anymore! Even singing competitions are being advertised as "reality shows"!

Four ways to turn a harmless singing/dancing/quiz contest into a reality show:
1. Kindle a fight between the judges. Make one of them leave the stage, and send a group of people to pacify and bring him/her back (in between two commercial breaks and SMS voting).
2. Show participants' mothers feeding them laddus at home praying for their victory, local residents holding placards with the participants' names cheering for them, participants begging for votes of the public, and close-ups of participants shedding tears (in slow motion and montage versions) after they've lost.
3. Chase participants into changing rooms, lobbies, lavatories - or better still, place hidden cameras in these places. If any participant exposes too much skin, use a 1 mm thin black strip to cover the exposed area. Use a short "beep" sound leaving the "fff..." and the "...kkk" sound audible and pretend no one will guess the expletive.
4. If the host of the show is a celebrity, make the partipants scream, hug, kiss, and even wet their pants in excitement. Bring out the "human" side of celebrities, such as giving Salman Khan a suit to wear and also a bath towel he can rub across his genitals in the name of dance.

Sports events have become reality shows. Take for example Harbhajan Singh's irreverence to opponents' mothers and fascination for slapping totally dominating cricket news; or how cricket, hockey, tennis, and gulli danda have become infested with allegations of match-fixing!

Hmm.. that leaves just the News. Oh wait, I'll be back after sms-ing my reply to "Do you think Dr. Rajesh Talwar murdered his daughter Aarushi?" viewers' poll. I know my opinion counts.

HAPPY TO THANK

The new Vodafone ad (click here to download) featuring the girl with blunt features and the famous "Hutch Dog" was very sweet to watch the first few times. And I just love the "Every day I want to fly" song that plays in the background (does anyone have the link to download the entire song?)

Anyway, back to the point... after the first few times, I notice I feel sad when I watch the ad. I mean, the little dog does so much - finds missing socks, licks stamps, runs after school bus with forgotten school tie. Not a single frame shows the girl conveying gratitude or love. Not a hug, not a kiss, not even a pat or a smile!

Rathi tells me the point of the ad is that Vodafone's customer care is always there to help you, doesn't matter if you are an irate caller. My sister tells me it is implied the girl is grateful, just that the ad didn't show it. Come on!!

If I ever received customer care like that from anybody, let alone mobile service provider, the things I would do!!!!

ONCE IN A LIFETIME COMES A FILM...

Watched a landmark film in contemporary thamizh cinema and arguably the most relevant motion picture of our time, and I am still reeling from the after effects. Yaarukko Yaaro - Stepnee, is a film par excellence directed by Joe Stanley. The film released in December 2007 also reveals shocking insides to the inspiration behind Ratan Tata's Nano concept.

David (Sam Anderson) is a handsome automobile engineer/scientist who has developed a pathbreaking plan to build a mini car costing just Rs, 70,000 that can be afforded by a "midil class" Indian family of four who would otherwise struggle on a two-wheeler on hot Indian roads. Now read this interview of Ratan Tata that happened well after the movie was released, and you understand where the small car idea came from.

He falls in love with the ravishing medical student Dheeba (Varnika) who decides to give him 5 lakhs needed to produce the small car, after her car dealer father refuses to sponsor Sam's car taking one look at the kindergarten-level drawing which David calls his "model car design".

The twist in the tale is when David's old lover Manju (Jothi) returns to take him back with her to Canada. She has magically already got David a visa, air tickets, and a job in Canada, but by now, you are a fool if you expect logic to interfere with the flow of the movie. David is torn in an emotional battle between Dheeba and Manju, and who he chooses in the end forms the rest of the gripping plot.

The songs have been picturised in exotic locales, most prominently the producer's uncle's failed coconut farms, the famous River Cooum, and government acquisitions of illegal construction land. Fits the general porambokku mood of the movie. Clips of some chartbusters from the movie are on YouTube. Here are the links:
Song 1
Song 2

Sam Anderson delivers a performance of a lifetime. Yes, because after this film, it is highly improbable he will act in another film in his lifetime. Dialogue delivery, spontaneity, screen presence, dance, nice teeth, sinusoidal curve paunch - this man has it all down pat! He seems to be a talented ventriloquist - for most part of the movie he is shown on screen and one can hear dialogue but you don't see his lips move or the faintest expression of emotion. A powerhouse of talent!

Deservedly so, Sam has a big following on Orkut. This is the Sam Anderson Rocks community. Click the following link to watch/download the movie, courtesy the community: Yaarukku Yaaro - Stepnee

Rating: 10/10. Standing ovation!

SATISFYING

I cried and cried and cried. Throughout the movie.
And came out of the theater, stronger.

I'm glad that there are still people out there making movies the way I like them.
Official Website

BALLISTIC OVER BORAT

Saw Borat over the weekend. At first, the character's face seemed quite repulsive, but as I watched the trailers, my interest in the film began to grow. The most outrageous stuff I'd watched since Jim Carrey's Ace Ventura. Little did I know that the actual movie would make Ace Ventura seem like subtle comedy.

For those who don't know Borat (played by Sacha Baron Cohen), he's a journalist who visits the "US and A" to learn from American culture to spread to his countrymen in Kazakhstan. His adventures in America form the movie, and it's a string of scenes put together like a high school play. He manages to shock and offend everyone he comes across, and makes the most chauvinistic, prejudiced, politically incorrect statements throughout the movie.

I know that I don't easily get shocked since I've already watched different kinds of crap in my life. I never thought, though, that I would laugh for jokes involving incest, paedophilia, and killing Jews, besides others. Maybe in a sense, the movie tickled my base senses that aren't cultured or civilised. Or maybe I just knew too much to take any of that stuff even a bit seriously.

The problem is this guy is addictive, and the more trailers you watch, the more you want to watch the movie. And once you've watched the movie, you want to watch it again. I'm currently digging out the other Borat clips available on YouTube and Google Video. Borat was a character originally created for Da Ali G Show, a TV series on HBO.

Borat says he's from Kazhakhstan, but the picture he paints of the country is nowhere close to the real Kazakhstan. The only people who will be fooled into believing otherwise need to have an IQ of less than 2.

What I like best about the movie is how it laughs at the human tendency to stereotype people, behaviour, and practices. We judge easily, we categorise easily - but how valid is that judgement or categorisation. Audiences who cannot see beyond the crude jokes will not get the true beauty of this movie for sure.

Some links if you're interested:
Borat Reviews
Borat Trailers

LOGIC ILLAA MAGIC SOMETHING

Saw the movie Unakkum Enakkum over the holiday weekend. First, I think it is a good approach by Karunanidhi to encourage films to be named in thamizh luring producers with the tax-free carrot. Stark contrast to Ramadoss and his henchmen who tore posters and damaged cinema halls.

It is amusing, however, to note that NOBODY refers to the movie as Unakkum Enakkum. Even the box office lady when I asked for the tickets, clarified, "You mean Something Something? Are you asking for Something Something". I blushed immediately, for she was kind of cute, but quickly realised she was referring to the erstwhile name of the movie.

I enjoyed the movie thoroughly! Which was a major surprise because the movie had:
- Jeyam Ravi, whom I don't like
- Trisha, whom I like, but not in village belle clothes, and sucked in this movie
- Cliched sentiment scenes
- 0% chemistry between the lead pair
- Almost no logic
- Predictable toilet/bad cooking jokes every 5 minutes

What worked in the movie for me was Devi Sri Prasad's music (which was ripped apart in all magazine reviews), Santhanam's comedy (the guy RULES), and..... god knows what else! Really surprising, but not a single dull moment in the movie! :-)

I had this opinion about myself that I could not enjoy masala movies anymore, and that I'd progressed to "classier" movies. The great time I had watching this one reassured me that I'm still a normal human being.

CINE PATRIOTS

Independence Day was celebrated with much aplomb on all television channels - freedom fighters Gaana Ulaganathan, Maanicka Vinayagam, Simran, Vikram, AR Rahman, Jeyam Ravi and others taught us how to be united and proud of our motherland. We are fortunate to be living in the same era as these people who have won freedom for us.

CALL CENTERED

"Another BPO Employee Murdered", "Call Centre Girl Killed" scream newspapers. Such a big deal is made out of the murder of Tania Banerjee. Agreed that murder is ghastly. And that the woman's end is pitiful. But why link this to the call centre industry?

The media seems to want to play up the "night shifts are unsafe for girls" tune rather loudly. At least when Pratibha Murthy was raped and killed last year by her company's cab driver, there was genuine concern about security. Several constructive discussions took place, and measures taken to tighten security for women. But in Tania's case, there was no reason to have pulled up her company's name, as she was murdered by a deranged colleague (full story here) and this could've happened to anyone working in any industry.

Night shifts are not a new phenomenon. There have been doctors, nurses, airline staff, and several other professionals who have been working in unearthly shifts much before the acronym BPO was even coined! Why no brouhaha then?

Would it then be fair to say that the media is jealous of the money and employment opportunities that outsourcing companies are bringing to India?

AISHWARYA SUCCEEDS SHAKEELA

Rabindranath Tagore wrote a novel, Chokher Bali, about a young widow who messes up the life of a married man and his family. This novel was made into a movie in 2003, starring Bengali actor Prasenjit, Aishwarya Rai, and Raima Sen.

Three years later, this movie, which depicts complex relationships, adultery, and manipulation of human emotions is being dubbed into Tamil as Aishwarya Rai Oru Perazhagi (meaning "Aishwarya Rai is a stunning beauty") !!! I laughed for 120 seconds non-stop when I first read this!

I wonder if the dialogues in the movie have been retained intact, or whether Raima Sen, when her character has to say "You bitch - you stole my husband from me", says, "You gorgeous bitch, you lured my husband away with your delicious smiles and five-second bare back scene!". Even funnier to imagine this in thamizh! :-)

Indian pornstar Shakeela was the only other actress whose movies, regardless of their names, were only known as "Shakeela movies".

Some other "classics" I can foresee in the pipeline:
(sorry, non-thamizh readers, no fun if I translate)

Raincoat -> Eera Towel-udan Aishwarya
Mistress of Spices -> Aishwarya Oru Vilaimaadhu
Khaakhee -> Aishwaryava Kokkaa
Bride and Prejudice -> Aishwaryavin KaLLa Kaadhal
Bunty Aur Babli -> Aishwaryavum Avanum

SELF CONTROL

These two are the hosts of VaNakkam Thamizhagam (Good Morning Tamilnadu), aired on Sun TV. They have recently entered the Guinness Book of World Records for their amazing display of willpower and self control.

Watch these two clips where they undergo a deadly ordeal and demonstrate their tremendous command over their stomach muscles:

Links to Video: Ordeal 1 | Ordeal 2

Fifteen people from various forms of the media who attempted this feat in the past had failed due to hairline fracture to ribcage, and intestinal haemorrhage caused by excessive colic cramps.

FUN WITH JIM AND JIM ONLY

Watched the latest Jim Carrey movie, "FUN WITH DICK AND JANE".

Realised that I've completely lost the ability to look at a Jim Carrey movie objectively. Don't really care about the story or anything else. His awesome body language, dialogue delivery/voice modulation, ability to mimic/spoof, unbelievable fitness... just cannot take my eyes off him!

My only complaint about any of his movies (especially the recent ones) is that they show the other actors in too many frames! Jim Carrey's "bizarrety" in its entirety is all that I want to watch!

Jim Carrey Rules!

DISHUM

Where: Local market place

What: Area dada and his cronies harass poor shopkeepers and vegetable sellers demanding "their share". Hero arrives. Speaks dialogues about sweat, blood, and toil of the poor people, and how he is their representative.

Fight starts. Dishak, Bishaak, Hueeyyy, Uaa (alternating between echo effect, stereo sound, and dolby surround)

Hero jumps, flies, and kicks... bashes the villains who go crashing into shop windows, topple vegetable carts, make vehicle drivers lose balance and their lives, and fall on flower-selling women.

Total Loss
Before hero's entry: Rs.2000
After hero's entry: Rs.2,00,000 + some lives + some hospital charges

AdappaavigaLaa...
AdappaavigaLaa...

EGGXCITING TRILOGY

A thamizh movie called SANDAKKOZHI has just been released. I have also seen promos for two other movies SAAMAKKOZHI and VEDAKKOZHI. Must be part of some super masala trilogy!

Or maybe it's like Lord of the Rings, and we can expect WHITE LEGHORN KOZHI and CHICKEN 65 KOZHI soon.

FUNNY PANNI

I was reading the newspaper yesterday, with one ear tuned to the television, and I kept hearing some Thamizh dialogue like "Enga amma appa sethupoittaanga, naa anaadha" (My parents are no more. I am an orphan). Sounded like excerpts from a Thamizh movie, and then came on the song, "Naanoru Sindhu Kaavadi Sindhu". I have watched Sindhu Bhairavi many times, but just so I could catch it again, I raised my head to see when it was being telecast again. And there's this visual of a pig walking away into the sunset! Was zooked about what was happening!

Today, I saw the same promo again, which starts off like "Indha Sunday unga veeettukku naan varreeeeeeeen" and realised it was not for a Thamizh movie, but for the dubbed movie, BABE: Pig in the City! I couldn't control my laughter! Imagine a pig speaking in Thamizh, and finally singing the "Naanoru Sindhu" song. It was a riot, no less!! :-)

Vijay TV is reaching new heights in hilarity! They have been proving themselves right from the Jackie Chan dubbed movies ("Daai, ennada pannre? Mmm?? Naa voodu kattren!") to playing romantic songs like "Thottaal Poo Malarum" for two dinosaurs mating (promo for Jurassic Park). I think they also played some Rajnikanth songs as backdrop to some Jackie Chan movie.

On the other hand, I changed my pre-conceived notion about the dubbed Kaun Banega Crorepati 2, again on Vijay TV. Nizhalgal Ravi, who has dubbed for Amitabh, has done a pretty neat job (he only sucks real bad when he speaks English) with the pitching and intonation to suit the original.

DARK 'N' LOVELY

Saw this today while flipping channels: A supposedly plain-looking girl is shown with her boyfriend, in a romantic location. They have a picture taken together. It comes out really sweet, and shockingly, the guy tears the picture into pieces. Plain-looking girl realises that her "drawback" is her "brown complexion". She uses Fairever fairness cream and soon becomes "beautiful". Now the same guy approaches her, drooling, and the girl accepts his love. Aughh!! How many more ads like these?

Asin stars in this latest sense-numbing, woman-mocking advertisement. Asked why she's doing this campaign, she says, "My personal thought is black is beautiful, but several dark-skinned people think if they have fairer skin they can gain confidence. So, I support Fairever and it is the healthy way to get fairer skin."

Yea right!! What a load of bull! Why can't you just accept you're doing it for the money, girl? Stop giving such asin-gamana explanations.

I was shocked to read that the fairness cream is estimated to be a Rs.800 crore market in India! Wonder why this is not such an obsession in African countries.

Though, primarily, it is not the colour but good features that appeal to me, I am a little biased towards dark skin. I find a dusky complexion more attractive than melanin-deficient skin. So for those of you who were as repulsed as I was, at the suggestion that dark girls don't win great guys, here's some orange juice to sip! One of my favourites - the exotic Nandita Das.

BOOK OF RECORDS

Long long ago... so long ago (but I remember roughly how long ago - in the early 90s) in the days of Doordarshan, one of my favourite shows used to be "The Spectacular World of Guinness Records" hosted by the enigmatic David Frost. It was the pioneer in television daredevilry, a strategy that would later be taken to the extreme by channels like AXN.

I remember, every week, I would stay glued to the television set, secretly hoping that one day, my name too would appear in the book. For a humble beginning, I set my eyes on the Limca Book of Records. I started to collect stamps, coins, toffee wrappers, used batteries, matchbox labels, bus tickets, soda bottle crowns, Big Fun stickers, Big Babol stickers, and tazos.

One day, a snake peeped out of my bottle crown collection (that ran into several thousands, stuffed into shoeboxes). Simultaneously, Dad and Mom threw crimson and purple fits, respectively. I think they were upset to see the snake. My dream was shattered.

I found the official website of the Guinness Book online. They have a massive collection here, and I'm sure it will take weeks to go through the whole set of records. Check it out, and I guarantee you'll have a great time!

If you'd like to help a little boy's dream come true, you still can - by leaving a record number of comments in this blog! (hehe)

BATMAN & CAPTAIN

Saw BATMAN BEGINS today. Here's my review:

Little boy has bat-o-phobia. Father and mother get shot one day. Kid joins some Ku Klux Klan group. Tries to learn fighting. Gets the shit beaten out of him. Leaves clan. Becomes Batman. Generally flies around. Beats the shit out of bad guys. Saves his city from disaster. Very cute heroine, doesn't get kissed until the verrrrry end. Movie over. Batman Begins...
(Now you know why I don't do too many reviews, hehe)

What I really don't understand is: Why do people crib about our Indian movies and then go ahead and watch the same stuff in Hollywood flicks, and also pay Rs. 30 more, that too for one hour less?! I never liked watching English action movies (okay, so I don't follow the dialogues, big deal) and I went to see Batman just so I could be out with friends.

In this movie, just before the kid's dad dies, he says, "Don't be afraid", and this son remembers it throughout his life (and unbearably several times in this movie). This scene is copied from several Tamil movies where Vijayakumar (most common "father actor"), just before closing his eyes, says something to his 2-year-old son (so maybe the scene is five minutes longer in Tamil movies, hehe) and the son remembers everything, takes revenge, and so on. The batman-in-training scenes were flicked from an old Rajinikanth movie called Paayum Puli.

And (in the name of science) Batman dresses up like a mosquito in the Mortein mosquito repellent ad, and does extraordinary things. I have been more entertained by watching our bare bodied Captain Vijaykanth catching bullets with his hand!

Some people never change. I am one of them.