I have this thing for card pack jokers. I collect them. And if there's a circus in town, I visit it. Just to watch the clowns.
My obsession with the Joker started several years ago, when I first saw Raj Kapoor's Mera Naam Joker. Till then, I was struggling for imagery that would best describe my fun-loving yet easily hurting nature, and the Joker seemed to fit so perfectly! Till date, Mera Naam Joker remains one of my favourite movies. For those who haven't watched it, it is the story of Raju who wants to become a famous clown, and his life that chronicles through three women, all resulting in heartbreak. All the three women who go on to lead happy lives, one day suddenly receive an invitation to attend Raju Joker's final stage performance: the four-hour movie begins thus! Brilliant background score and songs like Jeena Yahaan Marna Yahaan, Jaane Kahaan Gaye Woh Din wrench my heart each time I listen to them! After I watched the movie, I remember I did not eat or sleep properly for two whole days!
Aboorva Sagodharargal (Appu Raja in Hindi) is another movie that presented the tragic joker very well. Even today, I can't believe how many hours I cried for that scene where Appu realises that he is only the best man and not the bridegroom, leading to the song, "Unna Nenachen Paattu Padichen". The images of the joker in that song, dancing with the angelic girl in white who is snatched away by the taller guy, haunt me whenever I think of the song.
My third favourite association with the Joker is the Lucky Ali song "Nahin Rakhtha Dil" from his album Sifar. Brilliant voice, brilliant song that simply tugs at my heart and braids it into two french plaits, each time I hear it!! The song is about a joker (played by Lucky Ali) and his heartbreak with a circus girl whom he thinks loves him, but she goes on to become the circus owner's mistress.
In this picture, I am sitting by my windowsill (my favourite place in the house). Sitting beside me is my Joker. He has been hurt many times, been taken for more rides than a life member of MGM Dizzee World, and has had his heart used by people until they moved on to better things in life. I'm surprised that he still smiles. He has known people who've misused words like "friend", "lover", and even "brother". I'm surprised that he still believes in relationships.
Would you like to wave a "Hi" to him? :-)