Orange Juice for the Soul

FAVOURITE SONGS OF 2010

2011-01-31T00:39:00.008+05:30

Though I don't listen to as much music as I used to before, I try and keep up with the latest Tamil and Hindi film music. To remember the songs that brought me much delight in 2010, I put together a list of my favourite songs in 2010. Have always wanted to make year-end lists, so maybe this will be the beginning.

TAMIL
01. KadhaigaLai paesum vizhi aruge (Angaadi Theru)
02. Mannippaaya (ViNNaithaaNdi Varuvaayaa)
03. Maegam vandhu pogum (Mandhira Punnagai)
04. Thooral ninraalum (Chikku Bukku)
05. PookkaL pookkum tharuNam (Madharaasappattinam)
06. Enna kurayo (Mandhira Punnagai)
07. Neela vaanam (Manmadhan Ambu)
08. Un paerai sollum bodhe (Angaadi Theru)
09. Naan pogiren maele maele (NaaNayam)
10. Adada mazhada (Payyaa)
11. Usure pogudhe (RaavaNan)
12. Hosanna (ViNNaithaandi Varuvaayaa)
13. Idhuvarai illaadha uNarvidhu (Goa)
14. Kayya pudi (Mynaa)
15. Who's the hero (Manmadhan Ambu)

HINDI
01. Dil to bachha hai ji (Ishqiya)
02. Nana chi tang (Khatta Meetha)
03. Baarhaan dil mein - male and female versions(Mr Singh Mrs Mehta)
04. Dil kyun ye mera (Kites)
05. Zindagi do pal ki (Kites)
06. Ajnabi aankhein (Mr Singh Mrs Mehta)
07. Tere mast mast do nain (Dabangg)
08. Ab mujhe koi (Ishqiya)
09. Ae khuda tu kuchh to bata (Mr Singh Mrs Mehta)
10. Pee loon (Once Upon A Time In Mumbai)

LOSING MORE

2010-12-19T22:36:00.003+05:30

Lost my mobile phone (again) today. Feeling desolate and inconsolable.

What did I lose, apart from the money value of the phone...hmm..
Almost every piece of information can somehow be retrieved or stutteringly restored.

Except for the sms-es of someone who is not an active part of my daily life anymore. Looking at these sms-es were my way of injecting that person's memories (and my love for her) into my constant mental system. Even though it may not exist anymore (in the other person's heart), to see the past intensity of love (for me) that was expressed in words still used to make me feel loved.

Tonight, I stand deprived. Of even those keepsake memories, that I so dearly hung on to for several years.

La la la

2010-10-16T20:15:00.005+05:30

Bro: La la la
Sis: What are you humming, bro?
Bro: The song of life
Sis: La la la?
Bro: Yes, la la la. That's the lyric.
Sis: There must be more...
Bro: No, that's it. La la la.
Sis: What does that mean?
Bro: What do you think that means? Try and guess...
Sis: Mm... You're trying to call me by name, but you're stammering out of grief?
Bro: It's the song of life, sis! Think again. Think profound.
Sis: Mm... la la is lullaby. Lullabies are for babies. Babies mean the beginning. It's about birth?
Bro: Good try. What else?
Sis: La La La. At continuous intervals. Life is a periodic cycle?
Bro: Not bad. Ok. Now what do you think the tune of the song is?
Sis: Sa Ni Pa.... Ma Ga Ri.... Come on, how can i guess that? :-) Enough guessing. You tell me what it means.
Bro: Listen carefully...there is no meaning to the lyrics, just as there is none to life.
Sis: !!!
Bro: You can only try and make sense of it to the best of your knowledge. Each one's interpretation to his/her own.
Sis: I'm speechless!
Bro: Now the tune. There is no fixed tune to la la la. Anyone can sing it in any way. No one can correct you and say 'hey, that tune is wrong' because no one knows the tune themselves. It is just that some people's tunes sound better so more people follow that tune, but really - there's no one correct tune.
Sis: I'm not sure if i've wasted my time here, or if i've learned anything of value.
Bro: That must be exactly what people think... on their death beds...

CAN YOU SEE THE LOGIC?

2010-07-16T11:39:00.007+05:30

Have seen this billboard in several locations in Bangalore; this one near Silk Board Jn (Thanks for the pic, Raju). Pray, what would the logic be? That the person who CANNOT see the image of the eye CAN READ the smaller font below it, and CAN ALSO READ the mobile number which is in smaller font? By the way, if someone can't see the eye nor the words, what the hell are they doing at the traffic signal at Silk Board Junction?!

FIFA WC 2010 FINAL - PAUL Vs MANI

2010-07-09T23:56:00.003+05:30

I am totally tickled by the global popularity achieved by Paul the Octopus and Mani the Parakeet. While the former is an international, death-threat-receiving celebrity, the latter is a relatively less famous Singaporean 'psychic bird'. Both of them hit the headlines because of their ability to "predict" the outcomes of the FIFA 2010 World Cup matches. But the grand final promises to reveal who the real king is - Paul has chosen Spain to win FIFA WC 2010, while Mani has picked Holland!

So, will it be Paul or Mani? (more interesting for me than the outcome of the match itself!)

While we wait to find out, check out this video of yet another animal prophet, this time an amateur cocker spaniel - Leone the Psychic Dog. (My favourite part is between 1:17 and 1:28 - when the owner spins Leone around, counting from one to ten - ha ha!)

I hear the KiLi Josiyars Association of Tamil Nadu is planning to send a contingent of parrots & their owners to the 2011 Cricket World Cup.

CONSEQUENCE OF FAILURE

2010-07-02T11:39:00.003+05:30

I was shocked to read that the President of Nigeria has banned the Nigerian national football team from playing in international tournaments for two years because of their dismal performance in the 2010 FIFA World Cup. This reminded me of an engineering college administrator who used to threaten to debar students with many arrears from appearing for next semester's exams! Reward failure with no-return-from-failure!

But then, a bit of googling pointed me to worse consequences that other footballing nations have faced in the past:
* The Ivory Coast team was held for three days in a military camp after being eliminated in the first round of the African Cup of Nations.
* North Korean footballers were allegedly sent to labour camps after on-field debacles, and are likely to come under fire from their "Dear Leader" for their huge-margin losses in the 2010 FIFA World Cup.
* And the most draconian of them all - Iraqi players' punishments included flogging (with electric cables), baths in raw sewage, feet whipping (with thorns), and more.

Qualifying for the World Cup finals is no mean task, especially for the weaker footballing nations. Players struggle in difficult social and economic conditions to rise and perform at the international level. Instead of encouraging their team's achievements and providing them the support they need, ruthless governments shame and humiliate them. On the other hand, I also read that the English footballers are vacationing with their families and girlfriends after their humiliating first-round exit from the 2010 FIFA World Cup!

Whose fault for being born in the wrong country?

OOPS - WHO DID IT, AGAIN?

2010-06-24T13:29:00.004+05:30

I read somewhere, this morning, that actress Meghna Naidu's e-mail account had been hacked into, and that the hacker has been e-mailing Meghna's contacts announcing she's pregnant! Poor Meghna... horrible thing to happen.. and all that.

But just now - I see this headline for a story covering this same incident, that screams - "IMPERSONATOR GETS MEGHNA NAIDU PREGNANT". Talk about sensationalist misrepresentation! I have seen some pretty manipulated headlines, but this one is pretty wicked (while the general thought of "someone getting pregnant by an impersonator" is hilarious!).

BIG SISTER

2010-06-18T19:58:00.006+05:30

As I was walking home this evening, I was charmed by the sight of a little girl (about 6 years old) and an even littler girl (about 3 yrs old) holding hands and trudging along the walkway of my apartment complex. The littler girl squeaked, "Didi, legs is paining!!" (yes, in that cute lack of subject-verb agreement) and immediately, the bigger girl scooped her up in her arms (somewhat clumsily though) and walked ahead. After about 20 steps of huffing and puffing which was the best that she could, the big sister put the little one down, and they started walking hand-in-hand again.

The gesture of the older girl moved me so much it brought tears to my eyes. She probably knew that she couldn't carry her little sister all the way home, but tried her best, for what it was worth. And the instantness of her responding to her little sister's need - at this age!

I have rarely experienced before - this deep pain associated with not having something that I long for, and yet feel a bizarre current of happiness when I see someone else have it.

MAADI MAADBEDA (DON'T DO THE DO)

2010-04-03T10:00:00.004+05:30

I am constantly irritated by the use/abuse of the word "maadi" in the Kannada language by urban colloquial speakers. For those who don't know, 'maadi' means 'do'. It makes me feel sad everytime I hear the word because it loudly rings the silent death of the language. No one needs to know the verb in Kannada anymore; just use an English verb, suffix 'maadi' and voila, the job is done! Stop maadi, Adjust maadi, Jump maadi, Dance maadi, etc.

And then, there are those who think they are cool and use the word even more atrociously like 'cool maadi' and 'have fun maadi', shattering whatever stupid grammatical logic that existed in the first place. But the award goes to this guy who screamed (in a crowded BMTC bus) - "Driver, back door open maadi!!"
Driver + back + door + open + MAADI!!?!

Aamir Khan recently said that he's ashamed he can't speak Marathi, his state language, well. That made me think - I've been in Karnataka for close to five years now, and I still cannot read/write Kannada or speak it as fluently as I would like to. When I landed in Bangalore, I began learning with a vengeance, but that enthusiasm gradually waned. I think about the reasons(excuses)...

1. I realised I could get around with my two-bit Kannada - with shopkeepers, autodrivers etc. Very few people speak pure Kannada, and colloquial urban Kannada (like most other Indian languages today) is junked with English words.
2. Also, knowing Telugu, Tamil and two-bit Hindi made me further lazy because knowing these languages covers most people in Bangalore.
3. Not having a constant practice-partner.
4. Most 'Learn Kannada' books are useless, because they focus on a pure form of Kannada that is not spoken anymore, or do not explain grammar very well.

However, when I don't know how to say something in Kannada, I use a different language. I don't do 'maadi or other funny concoctions.

Searching frantically for steely resolve.

BUS FUN - PART 2: GAMES

2010-03-31T16:11:00.000+05:30

Continuing with Bus Fun, this post is a list of the most popular games played in BMTC buses. The rules are fairly simple, but could be lethally confusing for the uninitiated.

1.Secret Number
When you hand the conductor excess money to buy your ticket, he/she will scribble a secret number on the back of your ticket and hand it to you. To decipher this number, you must subtract the ticket value from the amount you tended. The objective of this game is to squeeze your way through the crowd (only when you are 10 seconds or less from reaching your bus stop) to the conductor (who is usually at the farthest possible distance from you in the bus) and get your balance amount back.

Bonus Trivia: Conductors say this game helps them attend to more commuters faster, but it has been scientifically proven that it takes longer to scribble the number on the back of the ticket than it would take to dig into their bag for the change.

2.Thore See
The commuter boards the bus. The conductor makes eye contact and says "tigit-tigit", to which the commuter says "Pass". If the conductor smells a rat, he says "Thore See". At this point, the commuter must quickly produce the bus pass. If he cannot, he will be flung out of the bus. If the conductor doesn't say "Thore See", the commuter gets a free bus ride.

Bonus Trivia: "Thore see" means "please show" in Kannada. This game is believed to have been inspired by the card game 'Bluff'.

3.Couth Coley
This game involves waiting for a seated commuter to vacate his/her seat. The main challenge is to compete with two hundred other standing commuters vying for the same seat. Other challenges include false starts provided by the seated commuter. A man may pretend to vacate his seat by half-rising, but checking his back-pocket-wallet and sitting down again, or a woman may half-stand, only to adjust her saree pallu and sit down again. During these precarious moments, you have to strategise your leg angle, dig elbows into stronger competitors, or brush your private parts against easily-offended competitors.

Bonus Trivia: "Couth coley" (kooth-ko-Lee) means "please sit" in Kannada. This game appears to have been inspired by the all-time party favourite 'Musical Chairs'.

Note to bus commuters from other Indian cities: These games may be played in bus services across India, but known by other names. I have referenced "BMTC" because of my usage/proximity with them.

BUS FUN - PART 1: LINGO

2010-03-23T21:46:00.005+05:30

Being a frequent BMTC (public transport bus service in Bangalore) commuter, I am compiling this lingo list for newbies. Thank me later.

1.Holdeen
Pronunciation: whole-dean. preferably whole-deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen
Meaning: Beseechment to the driver to halt the bus.
Origin: Old English hold on
Usage: Typically screamed by a commuter or conductor to the bus driver, when a commuter has failed to get in to or get out of the bus.

2.Strite
Pronunciation: strite (rhymes with write)
Meaning: Extending continuously in the same direction without curving.
Origin: Old English straight
Usage: Question "What route does this bus follow to JP Nagar?"; Answer "Strite"

3.Tigit
Pronunciation: tig-eat, ti-yet
Meaning: Request to the commuter to buy the slip that entitles him the trip.
Origin: Old English ticket
Usage: Usually uttered quickly and repeatedly, until the commuter can no longer pretend not to have heard the conductor - Tigeet-tigeet-tigeet, Tiyet-tiyet-tiyet-tiyet

4.Pass
Pronunciation: pass
Meaning: Declaration of possession of a card that entitles the commuter to travel in the bus.
Usage: Spoken by the commuter to the conductor when their eyes meet.

Typical Scene:
Conductor looks at commuters in bus, one by one.
Person 1: "Pass" (conductor moves to next person..)
Person 2: "Pass" (conductor moves to next person..)
Person 3: "Pass" (conductor moves to next person..)
Person 4: "Railway Station" (hands ten-rupee note to conductor)
For some reason, this always reminds me of a quiz competition.

5.Levot
Pronunciation: lay-vote
Meaning: A planned area in the city
Origin: Old English layout
Usage: Mico Levot, Arakere Levot

6.Maystick
Pronunciation: meigh (to rhyme with 'weigh') stick
Meaning: Kempegowda Bus Stand (KBS)
Origin: Old English majestic
Usage: Though buses still display KBS in writing, no one refers to it by that name. Maystick it is.

7.Dorro Punmaadi
Pronunciation: door open maadi. (Stress on the 'r' real hard. Like 'rrrr')
Meaning: Beseechment to bus driver to allow commuter to exit the bus.
Origin: Old English door, open; New Kannada maadi

SCENT OF A MAN

2010-01-15T20:46:00.005+05:30

Axe ad: Guy 1 in an elevator spraying himself with Axe deodorant. When Guy 2 leaves, Guy 2 enters, followed by a girl. The girl whiffs the deodorant, and is so turned on, that she jams the elevator to make out with him. Watch the ad here.

A rather unsettling variant of this ad happened to me. Replace 'deodorant-spraying man' (Guy 1) in the above ad with 'deadly-atomic-bomb-flatulence-spraying man'. Replace Guy 2 with me. And three girls entering the elevator instead of one.

SO CUTE GOOGLE

2010-01-04T21:13:00.007+05:30

Totally made me smile, first thing in the morning! :-) Been a while since I saw something other than a girl or a baby and exclaimed, "Cute!"

Click to see what: http://img.labnol.org/files/google_logo_animated.gif

BANGALORE PLACE LOCATOR

2009-12-12T15:26:00.013+05:30

I have often wished navigating Bangalore were easier. My wish has been granted! A good friend from work shared this website (http://latlong.in/) with me. If you live in Bangalore, Latlong is a boon, because:

1. You can find out the distance, driving directions, and map route between any two places in Bangalore.

2. You can search for a (reasonably famous) building, shop, restaurant etc., and you can see its map location, landmarks, etc.

3. You can search for a service in a particular area (example: Driving Schools in Koramangala, Pizza in Bannerghatta Road, etc) and be provided with the closest options.

This website also offers an SMS service. You can sms FROM TO to 90088-90088, and you will receive information via sms within 10 seconds! The SMS service also provides the approximate auto fare for this distance, which I have tested to be pretty accurate! I understand these sms-es are charged as local sms-es per your operator tariff plan.

Kudos to the company Onze Techologies' hard work and initiative in creating this service!

INKBLOT TEST WITH ORANGE JUICE

2009-12-03T18:07:00.005+05:30

Prior to this post, I have blogged only twice this year - my scarcest since I started Orange Juice for the Soul in 2005. To understand why this might be, I revisited my first post where I had listed my reasons to start blogging.

Reason 1: The convenience of wondering aloud
Reason 2: The satisfaction of sharing thoughts with those who chose to read
Reason 3: The fun of seeing my writing published

All three reasons are still alive. And I totally cherish the love I receive from fellow bloggers and the friends I have made through this medium. So what prevents me from blogging?

A good deal of thinking suggests that, for quite some time now, I have found it cumbersome restructuring my thoughts from abstract to concrete. Because I am comfortable understanding myself in the abstract, I find it a task to translate for my readers to the concrete. And there is a certain way of writing posts that I have become used to, that I feel reluctant to change - kind of trapped in my own style, if I can say that.

I need to see whether this is a phase or whether I am inclined to explore other forms of expression. As a teenager, I expressed myself through the poetry I wrote. And then it was through the music I composed. Blogging took over from where music was abruptly halted.

Maybe I will write a book. Maybe make a short film with my digital camera. Or maybe continue blogging as random and abstract as I feel.

ALWAYS, NEVER, AND FOREVER

2009-11-19T01:52:00.005+05:30

I am increasingly becoming aware of the silliness of the words, 'always', 'never', and 'forever' - especially when it comes to relationships. Embarrassed at my steadfast conviction in these convenient byproducts of overwhelming moments. And angered by people who have dampened the intoxication of these once-wonderful words for me.

What people say and what they really are capable of:
I will always love you = I love you now
I will never stop needing you = I need you now
We will be together forever = We are together now

Leave the flowery language to the poets, ye mere mortals. And ye enlightened ones, slap the blind believers for their own good.

FRAUDIAN PRINCIPLES

2009-01-07T23:05:00.000+05:30

July 6, 2008 - Extracts from the Satyam.com website one day before Satyam chairman Ramalinga Raju confessed to a $823-million fraud.
Link: http://www.satyam.com/about/board_of_directors.asp

Ramalinga Raju, also known as Raju, is Satyam’s founder and chairman. Raju is a world-renowned visionary, global business leader, and thinker. He uses a simple, yet extensive management model to create value, which promotes entrepreneurship, a focus on the customer, and the constant pursuit of excellence...

Raju has an MBA from Ohio University, and is an alumnus of the Harvard Business School. He has won numerous awards not only for building a best-in-class business but also taking innovative steps to positively impact the society...

A voracious reader, Raju is deeply influenced by science. He has adopted several scientific principles in running business operations.

Scientific principles indeed.

GOOGLE HOSPITAL

2008-11-10T19:57:00.000+05:30

I was shocked, last month, to find out I had reached premature menopause.
1. Since I am not female; 2. I am pretty sure I am not cycling.

Read this article today about a research conducted to determine how accurately one can diagnose symptoms of illnesses using Google. While the team reported that "Google could be a 'useful aid' in diagnosing conditions with unique symptoms...", they also stated that "...a successful search needed a 'human expert' user, and therefore, patients would have less success trying to diagnose themselves on the internet".

I can vouch for the second statement. Turns out I had typhoid! :-)

STREAM OF THOUGHT

2008-11-04T22:58:00.000+05:30

(Saw this heart-wetting sight this morning as I was walking to office)

A sturdy man wearing a thick turban - standing next to
A thin man wearing a sricharanam - standing next to
A white-clad man who just took off his prayer cap
Joyously urinating against the wall of my street
In unison.

It is the same blood that flows in all of us; it is the same ____ that flows out of all of us. Communal harmony is not a distant dream. Jai Hind.

SUDDENLY ALONE

2008-10-30T17:15:00.000+05:30

The thought of listening to the sound of only my footsteps frightens me; no more you to walk with!
Grow up, stupid kid - you're 26 now!

DRENCHED IN MY RAINCOAT

2008-10-27T00:14:00.000+05:30

Some movies are properly over when the credits read The End. While some others end leaving me wondering what the hell happened. A few movies end where I fully understand why they ended where they did, yet I'm left with a persistent longing to know more than what was just shown on screen.

Since Rituparno Ghosh's Raincoat is a movie that I'm pretty sure won't have a sequel, the longing will always be in my heart, to know what happened in Manu's (Ajay Devgan) and Neeru's (Aishwarya Rai) life, after The End. But I know why the movie ended where it did.

An active hater of screen (and real-life) characters who are in love with one person but marry another (whatever be the reason), I hated Neeru in the film when she decided to end her eight-year relationship with Manu to marry an affluent man chosen by her parents.

Though the years that had passed since Neeru's wedding had taken a brutal toll on both the lovers' lives - the lengthy rainy afternoon conversation they share, when they meet six years later, is most heart-wrenching. Heart-wrenching despite having no melodramatic moments; it is revealed that through all these years, both Manu and Neeru had safely kept their love wrapped in their hearts. This unravelling is the most beautiful aspect of this film.

I have never liked Aishwarya Rai, until I watched this film. Her forlorn eyes soaked in weariness, in stark contrast to her lips that spoke grandly of the comforts of her marital life, continue to haunt me hours after watching the film.

At a personal level, a few scenes in this movie struck a couple of painful chords. The ones where Manu finds himself hopelessly controlled by the love he still has for Neeru, despite her betrayal of their love. And the ones where Neeru realises she is still possessive about Manu, despite having chosen to lead a life with another man.

Incurable love... Misplaced possessiveness... Damn movie, I can't sleep tonight!

SHE WAITED...

2008-10-22T20:05:00.000+05:30

From everyday kisses
To once a week hugs - to monthly phone calls - to occasional SMSes,
He procedurally moved away from her.

Yet, when he continued to tell her that his feelings for her would never change
And that she was the one he loved most,

She believed him.

Even when he did not return her calls to congratulate him
On his wedding
Or on the birth of his first child.
Both of which she found out when she read his blog.

She desperately waited for his next blogpost
To see if his daughter was named after her.

SPOT THE DIFFERENCES

2008-10-21T20:04:00.000+05:30

Everybody has a reason to indulge in violence - call it "fanaticism", "political mileage", "power games", "cause", "struggle for liberation"... Who is to ascertain whose violence is justified?

But how can any violence that results in intended harm towards innocent people EVER be justified? Must their perpetrators not be crushed like a cigarette stub? Vile beasts.

LOOSE GIRL ROWDY BOY

2008-10-16T16:18:00.000+05:30

Major Irritant:
Noticing a disturbing trend in thamizh movies of late - justifying anti-social, delinquent behaviour by young people as being natural for that age. Dhanush, especially, must win the lifetime achievement award for portraying the most such roles. For example, in his Yaaradi Nee Mohini, there is a line at the beginning of the film that translates to, "... I was just like every other regular teenager... stealing from my dad's wallet, drinking with friends..." etc. I cannot help but fear life will imitate art here.

Minor Irritants:
I find it extremely difficult to stomach instances of a beautiful girl falling in love with a rowdy/porukki/uncouth/unemployed guy who speaks pages of dialogue to justify his stealing parents' money, smoking, drinking, eveteasing, disrespecting elders - and actually winning the girl's heart.

And after watching Santhosh Subramaniam (Bommarillu in Telugu), I realise I cannot stand instances of guys finding hyper, demented, babytalk-spouting, incessantly chattering girls - CUTE! Genelia's character in that movie makes Sridevi's character in Moonram Pirai (Sadma in Hindi) appear mentally balanced.

அட ச்சே!!
பொறுக்கிய பிடிச்சிருக்குன்னு சொல்ற பொம்பளையும்
லூஸ்-ஐ லவ் பண்றேன்னு சொல்ற ஆம்பளையும்
நல்லா வாழ்ந்ததா சரித்திரமே இருக்க கூடாது!!

IT HAPPENS ONLY IN ZIMBABWE

2008-10-15T21:33:00.000+05:30

Imagine what it would be like if:

- You went to a store to buy something and found that the price had more than doubled in a single day. And in the next few hours you spend at the bank to withdraw more money, the price continued to double or even triple! [click link to read story]

- Banks limited daily cash withdrawals to an amount which is less than the cost of a loaf of bread!

- Something that costs Rs. 100 today cost over Rs. 6,00,000 tomorrow! Because the inflation rate is 231 million percent!!!

We talk about one rupee coins, ten rupee notes, even hundred rupee notes losing value as years go by. In Zimbabwe, million dollar rupee notes lose value as days go by! Suddenly, I'm happy being in a 12% inflation country!

FIELDS OF MINE

2008-10-14T18:46:00.000+05:30

Dealing with people is somewhat like playing Minesweeper.

The smooth grid is like people with their carefully hidden egos, insecurities, raw nerves, and complexes. Must tread carefully, for if you step on even one - *BOOM*!!!

There are Beginner, Intermediate, and Expert levels - but it is possible sometimes to embarass yourself even at the beginner's level. The screenshot here shows a Minesweeper game where I thought I got everything right - until - one mistake at the penultimate square *BA-BOOM*!!!

One big difference between relationships and Minesweeper, sadly, is that there's a perfectly logical way to win at Minesweeper.

DIGESTIVE STORIES

2008-07-14T00:40:00.000+05:30

These days, Reader's Digest is being packaged with little freebies in order to sell. The June edition came with a strip of Digene chewable tablets! Reader's Digest with Digene tablets - haha! Reminded me of the Koundamani-Sendhil comedy scene where Sendhil places a cool drink (known simply as "colour" in villages) on top of a television set and tells Koundamani "Anne, idhaanne Colour TV!" (brother - this is what's known as a Colour TV!)

Opened a packet of my favourite Britannia Nutrichoice Digestive biscuits and was shocked to find only one quarter of the first biscuit! Has inflation moved on from eating into my paycheck to literally "eating" into my biscuit packet!?

THE HEALING VOICE

2008-07-06T14:15:00.000+05:30

Ten years ago, I went through a phase in my life when I could relate to no one. Anyone who cared for me (including myself) seemed powerless to help me. Loud nights of silent crying and silent nights of loud crying were all that I could drown my sorrows in.

Then I began to listen to Jagjit Singh's ghazals. He changed the way I felt about my situation in life. Many a night, his voice soothed my frayed nerves, kissed my senses, and comforted me like a mother - when my own mother cried herself to sleep, unable to help my condition.

I always believed that the "music has no language" concept works only to a certain extent (to enjoy, appreciate, and shake an occasional leg maybe) but doesn't touch the soul. I barely understood the Hindi/Urdu lyrics in the ghazals, but the music and the voice - how were they able to reach in to touch my carefully hidden fears and alleviate them? It was a miracle when I desperately needed one.

I came to know much later that this man whose voice carried me through innumerable weary days was struck by personal tragedy a few years ago - the loss of his 21-year-old son in a car accident. His singer-wife Chitra, who performed with Jagjitji in his concerts, stopped singing after that shock.

Last night, Jagjit Singh performed at Palace Grounds, Bangalore (pic below). Amongst the thousand voices singing Main Nashe Mein Hoon along with him in exhilaration, mine was humbly one! For many years, Jagjitji has ended many a painful night in peace for me. Last night was a night I begged he would never end.

I am overjoyed that I watched Jagjit Singh live in concert - a lifetime wish fulfilled! What can my tears of gratitude ever give him in return for what he has given me?

ANYTHING IS REALITY

2008-06-29T01:56:00.000+05:30

I understand that a major chunk of Indian television suffers from CAATS (Compulsive Aping of American Television Syndrome), a terrible byproduct of which is the concept of reality television, but am beginning to get really confused about what is classified as a "reality show" anymore! Even singing competitions are being advertised as "reality shows"!

Four ways to turn a harmless singing/dancing/quiz contest into a reality show:
1. Kindle a fight between the judges. Make one of them leave the stage, and send a group of people to pacify and bring him/her back (in between two commercial breaks and SMS voting).
2. Show participants' mothers feeding them laddus at home praying for their victory, local residents holding placards with the participants' names cheering for them, participants begging for votes of the public, and close-ups of participants shedding tears (in slow motion and montage versions) after they've lost.
3. Chase participants into changing rooms, lobbies, lavatories - or better still, place hidden cameras in these places. If any participant exposes too much skin, use a 1 mm thin black strip to cover the exposed area. Use a short "beep" sound leaving the "fff..." and the "...kkk" sound audible and pretend no one will guess the expletive.
4. If the host of the show is a celebrity, make the partipants scream, hug, kiss, and even wet their pants in excitement. Bring out the "human" side of celebrities, such as giving Salman Khan a suit to wear and also a bath towel he can rub across his genitals in the name of dance.

Sports events have become reality shows. Take for example Harbhajan Singh's irreverence to opponents' mothers and fascination for slapping totally dominating cricket news; or how cricket, hockey, tennis, and gulli danda have become infested with allegations of match-fixing!

Hmm.. that leaves just the News. Oh wait, I'll be back after sms-ing my reply to "Do you think Dr. Rajesh Talwar murdered his daughter Aarushi?" viewers' poll. I know my opinion counts.

SONY ERICSSON Vs NOKIA

2008-06-18T01:15:00.000+05:30

Rathi is not a big fan of Sony Ericsson. After all, just half a cup of hot tea over her W710i - and the darn phone stops working!

My sister agrees with Rathi. "I've dropped my Nokia even into the commode and it works just fine".

A new era in endurance testing dawns...

HAPPY TO THANK

2008-05-10T09:16:00.000+05:30

The new Vodafone ad (click here to download) featuring the girl with blunt features and the famous "Hutch Dog" was very sweet to watch the first few times. And I just love the "Every day I want to fly" song that plays in the background (does anyone have the link to download the entire song?)

Anyway, back to the point... after the first few times, I notice I feel sad when I watch the ad. I mean, the little dog does so much - finds missing socks, licks stamps, runs after school bus with forgotten school tie. Not a single frame shows the girl conveying gratitude or love. Not a hug, not a kiss, not even a pat or a smile!

Rathi tells me the point of the ad is that Vodafone's customer care is always there to help you, doesn't matter if you are an irate caller. My sister tells me it is implied the girl is grateful, just that the ad didn't show it. Come on!!

If I ever received customer care like that from anybody, let alone mobile service provider, the things I would do!!!!

INTERESTING PREMIER LEAGUE

2008-04-26T21:28:00.000+05:30

Just when it seemed like news channels were the biggest source of entertainment on TV, the Indian Premier League (IPL) has taken that place!

TEAMS AND NAMES

During my stay in the US, I was fascinated by the interest people showed in "city-level and school-level games", often, more than international-level games. IPL is (somewhat) doing that for Indian crowds. I mean, who ever proudly wore a Tamilnadu or a Rajasthan jersey to watch their team play in a Ranji Trophy tournament? But again, who ever went to watch a Ranji Trophy match?

But what horrible team names! If Punjab players are Kings, Chennai players are Super Kings. I've heard of emperor, but what is a "Super King" - haha! On second thoughts, it is maybe because "super" (or should I say sooppar)is the most popular adjective used by Thamizh speakers. Bangalore is a team calling themselves "Challengers" and not "Winners" - wah, what modesty! Shittiest name, though, is Mumbai Indians (how come Raj Thackeray isn't demanding they change it to Mumbai Maharashtrians?)

Okay, can't resist this quick PJ: What if Nokia had bought the Hyderabad team and not Deccan Herald? They would then have been called Nokia Chargers - haha!

I would have really liked Indian players to represent their home states, though. It messes with my mind map that Robin Uthappa doesn't play for Bangalore and Harbhajan doesn't for Punjab. I like the fact Muralitharan is playing for Chennai, though :-)

Bangalore Royal Challengers Vs Chennai Super Kings promises to be The Rivalry of IPL, comparable to India Vs Pakistan! Can't wait to see unruly crowds throwing empty water bottles at Hayden and Kallis because the Tamilnadu government decides to pursue the Hogenekkal project! Wow - what fun!

GLAMOUR GAMES

The concept of glamour-cricket is certainly innovative. Almost every team has a star mascot. Instead of Vijay, I wish Trisha was the mascot of the team I support - Chennai Super Kings (I like Trisha in casual wear). And the cheerleaders are definitely doing for IPL what Mandira Bedi did for the World Cup - building true interest in the game, I mean. Would be nice to see more local talent (such as our cinema item girls) instead of imported girls doing the same aerobic routines to both Bhangra and Dappaankuthu.

The funniest shock was when the Delhi Daredevils were playing their first match, and someone suddenly flew into the stadium hanging from a cable! Just when I couldn't believe that streakers in sports events had gone so hi-tech... Akshay Kumar!!

Regular people like you and me play book cricket, stick cricket, and fantasy cricket. People like Shah Rukh and Preity Zinta play their own teams!

CRICKET, TECHNICALLY

It is amazing to see some interesting face-offs like Shane Warne Vs Monkeyman, Jayasuriya Vs Murali etc. Also to see Team India players face off against each other. Not the way Sreesanth and Harbhajan did, though. Slapping, sobbing, calling each other "brother" - this pair has a bright future in reality television.

I don't want Sachin to play Twenty20 cricket; something tells me he won't click! I love him too much to see him fail! My children someday should not laugh at his Twenty20 innings the way I laugh at Sunil Gavaskar's 36 not out off 174 balls (his "famous" one-day innings in the 1975 World Cup).

[Deep down desire: I want Sachin to play and prove he's the best in this format too]

Highest sixes award for each match, orange cap for highest runs... what about the bowlers? Bowlers should protest this discrimination... seriously!

I am shocked to see players on the field being questioned from the commentator's box (using ear mic) as the match is on, between deliveries. What a distraction - how are teams okay with this?

Good or bad for cricket, there's no denying that Twenty20 is great entertainment!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Before I close, I'd like us all to stand in silence for 2 minutes to mourn the shunned "real pioneers" of this concept in India - the Indian Cricket League (ICL).

ROACH APPROACH

2008-02-27T20:41:00.000+05:30

I suggest that our Hon'ble Union Minister for Railways, Shri Lalu Prasad, read this article on cockroach scarcity in India.

Click here to read article.

Excerpt: All over the country, colleges that offer biology courses are paying 50-100 times more to buy cockroaches for students to carry out their dissection practicals. Most suppliers today charge anywhere between Rs 5 to 10 per cockroach. Three years ago, colleges were paying Rs 15 for a bunch of 100 cockroaches.

Who would've thought there'd be a dearth of cockroaches for biology students performing dissection?! I mean, what is India coming to when an average biology student cannot have a basic minimum of 2 cockroaches per lab class?

At the current selling rate of Rs. 10 per cockroach, this is a must-not-miss opportunity for Indian Railways to triple profits in 2008!!

Idea courtesy my sleeper class experience in Chennai Mail over the weekend.

SELES-TIAL PLAYER

2008-02-17T14:15:00.000+05:30

Age 16: Youngest-ever French Open champion.
Age 17: Youngest woman to reach #1 on the WTA rankings.
Age 19: Wins eighth Grand Slam singles title. Most ever won by a teenager.
Three months later: One demented bastard changes everything [link].

Monica - I don't have your poster up on my wall anymore, but you will always be my favourite women's tennis player! The mental strength and resilience you displayed in coming back to the game to win one more Grand Slam after that traumatic incident is... unbelievable!

Monica Seles announced her official retirement from professional tennis on February 14, 2008.

V-DAY WISH

2008-02-14T22:15:00.000+05:30

Each time I make you laugh, a day is added to my life
And each time I make you cry, a year is reduced.
Suddenly, now, I want to be immortal!

Promise you will grow old with me.

FAITH

2008-02-12T18:58:00.000+05:30

Watching a movie with family. Power goes off.
Damn this electricity board!

After an hour, electricity comes back on.
Thank God!
----------------------------------------------

Major road accident.
Damn that murderous car driver!

Alive and recovering in hospital.
It was only God's grace you survived!
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If God is almighty, why give him credit only for the good stuff?
What a deviant you have become! I told you not to read those misleading Periyar books...
Oh, right. Sorry.

ONCE IN A LIFETIME COMES A FILM...

2008-02-11T15:30:00.000+05:30

Watched a landmark film in contemporary thamizh cinema and arguably the most relevant motion picture of our time, and I am still reeling from the after effects. Yaarukko Yaaro - Stepnee, is a film par excellence directed by Joe Stanley. The film released in December 2007 also reveals shocking insides to the inspiration behind Ratan Tata's Nano concept.

David (Sam Anderson) is a handsome automobile engineer/scientist who has developed a pathbreaking plan to build a mini car costing just Rs, 70,000 that can be afforded by a "midil class" Indian family of four who would otherwise struggle on a two-wheeler on hot Indian roads. Now read this interview of Ratan Tata that happened well after the movie was released, and you understand where the small car idea came from.

He falls in love with the ravishing medical student Dheeba (Varnika) who decides to give him 5 lakhs needed to produce the small car, after her car dealer father refuses to sponsor Sam's car taking one look at the kindergarten-level drawing which David calls his "model car design".

The twist in the tale is when David's old lover Manju (Jothi) returns to take him back with her to Canada. She has magically already got David a visa, air tickets, and a job in Canada, but by now, you are a fool if you expect logic to interfere with the flow of the movie. David is torn in an emotional battle between Dheeba and Manju, and who he chooses in the end forms the rest of the gripping plot.

The songs have been picturised in exotic locales, most prominently the producer's uncle's failed coconut farms, the famous River Cooum, and government acquisitions of illegal construction land. Fits the general porambokku mood of the movie. Clips of some chartbusters from the movie are on YouTube. Here are the links:
Song 1
Song 2

Sam Anderson delivers a performance of a lifetime. Yes, because after this film, it is highly improbable he will act in another film in his lifetime. Dialogue delivery, spontaneity, screen presence, dance, nice teeth, sinusoidal curve paunch - this man has it all down pat! He seems to be a talented ventriloquist - for most part of the movie he is shown on screen and one can hear dialogue but you don't see his lips move or the faintest expression of emotion. A powerhouse of talent!

Deservedly so, Sam has a big following on Orkut. This is the Sam Anderson Rocks community. Click the following link to watch/download the movie, courtesy the community: Yaarukku Yaaro - Stepnee

Rating: 10/10. Standing ovation!

HELLO HELLO

2008-01-17T10:38:00.000+05:30

Called someone on his mobile and this young girl answers the phone. Hello.. HEllo.. heLLO...hEllOOO... she goes, growing more impatient with each hello, obviously not able to hear me saying the same thing. Irritatedly, she says "kuchh boltha nahin!" ("not saying anything!") and hangs up.

Miffed at getting the wrong number, I call again. Same girl, same hello. Same "kuchh boltha nahin". She hangs up again.

Third time - same girl. Very surprisingly, she sounds the same way with her series of hellos as she did the previous times. As I begin to get slightly scared that I will be hauled in for giving blank calls to a nubile young nymphet, the person I actually intended to call answers the phone! Idiot, imbecile, bashi-bazouk!!!

I've experienced some infuriating ones before, but I nominate this SHIT for the WORST EVER caller tune!

GETTING USED TO DISCOMFORT

2008-01-08T23:13:00.000+05:30

Insane honking of vehicles behind me as I'm walking on the pavement, people spitting on my leg, utter contempt for the word 'queue', more electricity cuts in a day than the number of letters in the word 'electricity', sorry-faced half-naked women carrying fainted/dead babies tapping at my leg and pointing to their stomachs, shopkeepers as friendly as tight underwear, unbelievable bending of laws, wild rabid dogs chasing my tender loins in front of my house, rivers of urine on the main road beside walls of IT company offices - I am back in India!
Thank God for my loved ones who live here.
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On opening my inbox, I find about two hundred emails from friends inviting me to join Facebook. Now all these friends are already in my Orkut list. I fail to understand the need to replicate our contacts on another portal that requires a separate sign in and pretty much performs the same functions.
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I have a request for my fellow blogger friends that's been on my mind for a while now. Please see if you can allow your readers to choose if they want music playing when they are in your blog. Not only is the music loud and sudden when the page loads, but when multiple blogs are opened simultaneously, the effect of several songs playing at the same time is extremely jarring to the mind. Please consider my request; I'm sure other readers are facing this too.

LUGGAGE INEQUALITY

2007-12-29T21:00:00.000+05:30

Time to start packing to fly home again. As usual, I fear that my luggage will be over the permitted weight limit. And it's not always that I have access to weighing scales. I've had a few experiences going down on my knees on airport floors in a mad scramble to re-pack and spread weight between check-in bags and the hand luggage. After breaking into puddles of sweat managing to re-pack, to still find that ONE suitcase is ONE pound over the limit - arrrggh!!! And to look at a gorilla twice my size standing in the parallel queue grinning at my plight! @#$%$!! Why is there no limit for passengers' body weight?

After all, the plane carries both the person and the luggage after all. How is it fair that a 100-kg man gets to carry 2 pieces (excluding hand luggage) of 23 kg each (100+23+23 = 146 kg) while my total is just 116 kg (70+23+23)? That's a difference of 30 kg, an extra check-in luggage that the other guy is carrying aboard the plane in his TUMMY! What we need is a grand total (body weight + luggage weight) weight limit policy! I will not allow to be discriminated against just because I'm thin. Until then, I threaten to wear ten layers of clothing, stuff every single pocket and bodily orifice with admissible things, and get on the plane!

MELTING HEARTS

2007-12-21T19:10:00.000+05:30

Click on picture to view enlarged version.

Found this picture quite by accident and thought it was incredibly cute! I usually enjoy looking at pictures of famous people in their younger days, and this one especially melted my heart.

POST-911

2007-12-17T10:50:00.000+05:30

Figured out what the commotion in the hotel (near Boston) last night was all about. A couple of Indians living in this other room wanted to dial a toll-free number from their hotel room. What they had to do was dial 9 followed by 1-800. Instead, they dialled 91 followed by 1-800. The police were at their doorstep in five minutes.

For folks who are unfamiliar with the 911 concept - read this: 911

Funny when these things happen to other people.

THE MAKING OF BEEF NOODLES

2007-11-29T21:00:00.000+05:30

When I complained about recalled frozen pizzas, my sister reminded me that I once used to eat at Lavanya Kabab Center (fondly known as LKC), a roadside eatery where a big plate full of chicken fried rice was Rs. 20 and egg noodles Rs. 15. The speciality of the place was, of course, the chicken - carefully shredded by sweaty hand. And of course, there was Shiv Sagar, where mini-meals cost Rs. 15, and worked out the most cost-effective dinner every night. I was new in Bangalore then, with a meagre salary and no kitchen in the house I shared with three other boys. How poorly my health compared to money back then that I would continuously risk it - quite unbelievable now!

To end on a foodie note, here is a video of me making beef noodles in my lonely apartment in Detroit. It was made in January 2007 and has been on YouTube, but I realised I never blogged it.

Depending on your response, I will decide if I should have my own cooking show and get Penelope Cruz to be co-host! :-)

STOMACH SO FROZEN

2007-11-25T23:15:00.000+05:30

Being in tune with the lazy Saturday evening in my hotel room, I flipped over the frozen pizza box for microwave instructions. To realise that it was to be baked in a conventional oven and microwave cooking was "not recommended"! Well, there's a way to microwave EVERYTHING - I thought, and set the pizza to 15 minutes on high power. Just to find out if there were additional tips to microwave non-microwaveable food, I did a search on Google.

My internal organs microwaved when I watched the video clip in this link: The Great Frozen Pizza Recall of 2007.

Here I was, holding the box of the SAME brand and flavour as the product recalled from stores because it was alleged to have contained "a deadly strain of e.coli"! And in those specific cases, it is suspected that bacteria (which cannot survive high temperature) did not die because the said people microwaved the pizza against the instructions! Further more scarily, the freezer in the video clip (at 1:04) looked JUST like mine - stacked with pizza boxes!

And just as the 15 minutes on my microwave were up and the three beeps went off, the last few seconds in the video clip (playing on my laptop) blared: "Anything that you see recalled - throw it away! DON'T EAT RECALLED PRODUCTS!"

Back to beef noodles. Frozen pizzas suck. What idiot would buy them anyway?

ONE LAST TIME

2007-11-19T22:30:00.000+05:30

Was just thinking yesterday - America is such a great place to live in! Clean surroundings, vast spaces, so many fun things to do, great shopping outlets, restaurants, roads that actually make me want to drive cars - what a drastic difference in the standard of living! Unlike many people I know who miss India like crazy when they're here, I thought I was doing quite well... until now.

Just got news that my paternal grandmother passed away a few hours ago back in India. Numb mind frantically trying to cope with the thought that I will not be able to see her one last time. Because I am here, in America.

What am I giving up? What am I getting? The familiar tongue of death licking all over my neck trying to make me vomit everything that I thought I had chewed, swallowed, and digested about losing the ones I love...

SEVEN DUNDERS OF MY WORLD

2007-11-17T00:30:00.000+05:30

Wow, can't remember the last time I was tagged!

Actually, I do (he,he) and it was two years ago, see link here. This time, it is for Prats. Ah, the things I do for friends :-)
As a matter of principle, however, I will not pass on the tag!

Seven random and/or weird things about me:
1. Sometimes, I forget things I heard just a few minutes ago, but remember visuals/sounds/smells from the vaguest corners of my childhood. I remember the sight of my uncle saving me from falling out of my bed when I was a few months old.

2. Most of my occult days are pretty spooky when I think of them. Scary when you look at someone's palm and tell them they're going to die. And they do.

3. I used to be a chronic onychophagist. So bad I barely had a strand of nail on a finger at times. It has been two years since I was cured of it. I still do look at my toenails longingly sometimes..

4. I often think I'm smiling when it actually doesn't show even a bit on my face. As a result, people end up thinking I'm a grouch or a geek (or both) and I end up thinking people are unfair in branding me.

5. I get dead bored looking at pictures without people in them. Especially "scenery" shots! So if you've ever sent me an album of nature pictures you took when you were on vacation, I probably lied when I said "nice shots!".

6. I am obsessed with Microsoft Excel. I think it is the greatest tool known to mankind. I can sit for days at end with an excel worksheet to manage finances, birthdays, office work... Someday, I hope to use it to find a cure for AIDS.

7. I've always been big on collecting stuff, depending on the season's craze. Stamps, bus tickets, Indian coins, matchbox labels, marbles, joker cards, soda bottle caps, toffee wrappers, stickers, tazos - and now, condom box labels.

NOT MY FAVOURITE WORD

2007-11-13T20:30:00.000+05:30

Just had to get these out of my system.

I never thought another phrase could match the irritation I feel when I hear "How is you?". I was wrong; here is: "My bad"! And all of a sudden, everyone around me seems to be using it!

A couple of weeks ago, having lost track of timezones while travelling from India to America, I asked someone at the Chicago airport what the time was. Her response: "Twenty five to four".

Arghhh - why can't you say 'three thirty five', woman? I can tolerate it if it's just a few minutes to the next hour (like 'five to ten' or 'ten to three'), but twenty five minutes to the next hour?! A lot of people do talk like that! Is the intention to make me waste time calculating?

Okay then, it is ninety eight minutes to eleven - I'm off to bed. Or should I say a hundred and fifty eight minutes to midnight?

BEAUTIFUL NIGHT

2007-11-02T19:30:00.000+05:30

In Florida now, and the weather's so cool and rainy - it feels like I haven't left Bangalore! It feels good to be back in the US - vast spaces, clean roads, clean air, nice looking people, nice food!

I observed that many sight-impaired employees work in my office here. And they have guide dogs. Today, as one such employee walked into the elevator with her big black guide dog, my colleague exclaimed: "You have a beautiful dog!"

"Oh he is beautiful, thank you", she replied. "Did you hear that - you're so beautiful!" she told her dog, bending to stroke him. "What's his name?", I asked. "Night", she replied.

As I smilingly pondered over the choice of name for a jet black dog leading a visually impaired person, she heartily added, "He's my night in shining fur!"

STATE BANK OF INEFFICIENCY

2007-10-23T19:26:00.000+05:30

One of my biggest nightmares since the time I got married (um.. I mean..) has been trying to open a savings account with State Bank of India. I made the natural mistake of desiring their services because they have the largest number of ATMs in India. It is probably this arrogance (only equalled by BSNL - hmm.. I see a pattern here) that is responsible for their utter contempt for your business.

I don't care if the particular branch I went to had exceptionally bad staff, because they all work for SBI and they fetch their (dis)organisation a bad name.

SBI has a manager who makes you feel ashamed for asking what documents are required to open an account.

SBI will pretend not to process your application without the reference of an existing SBI account holder - oh wait, unless they have a Savings Account Mobilisation Campaign where you need to do is stand in front of them, and the passbook will be stuffed in your palm.

SBI will courier you the ATM card but hand over the PIN only at the bank due to "security reasons". Even if their mistrust of courier companies is forgivable, their asking you to "keep coming back to the bank to check if the PIN has arrived" is not.

If you ask the concerned ('concerned' as in 'appropriate', not 'worried about you') person why there is such delay in generating PINs, she will slap her forehead, make a disgusted expression and say, "Ptch.. what to do sir, sooooo many people are opening new accounts with us". Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that ma'am - my deepest condolences.

Oh, the merriment of their internet banking service! SBI will courier you the username and password separately (suddenly, courier companies can be trusted!) with the warning that if you don't receive both within 7 days of each other, you must contact the branch. And if you accidentally receive both, you will find out that the combination does not work, and you still have to go back to the branch (where you will be issued a fresh set). I so love follow-the-secret-trail games!

The cashier will scream at you if you try to make a payment beyond his "come back on a weekday" command since "crowds are terrible on Saturdays". Is there a concession for bearing the brunt of their frustration at being understaffed?

In the meanwhile, I was successfully able to open two accounts - one with the World Bank and one with Fort Knox. And I hadn't even seen their advertisements on TV asking the younger generation to trust them because their fathers and grandfathers did!

NOKIA - THE CHOSEN ONE

2007-08-16T21:12:00.000+05:30

After all those e-mails that we thought were hoaxes about mobile phones blowing up... Nokia has announced the biggest consumer electronics product recall. If you folks don't know what I'm talking about - check this link out:

https://www.nokia.com/batteryreplacement/en/

Apparently, only a miniscule number of batteries (46 million) are faulty. PTI News reports that there have been no complaints from India yet.

Well, I'm the FIRST, then! I feel sooooooooo special!!!

THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE

2007-07-25T20:15:00.000+05:30

June 28, 2007. Rathi is mine. At last!

LONGEST MISTAKE

2007-06-21T16:07:00.000+05:30

After complaining about Windows error messages like, The instruction at "0x77f41d24" referenced memory at "0x00000000." The memory could not be written, here comes a breath of fresh air (click image to enlarge):

No more connections can be made to this remote computer at this time because there are already as many connections as the computer can accept! Wow - this is probably the single longest sentence in a Windows error message!

BROAD BANNED

2007-06-18T18:39:00.000+05:30

BSNL will not give me broadband because they don't have the "feasibility".
Airtel will not give me broadband because they have "exceeded their maximum capacity".
Reliance does not like me and will not answer my call.
Sify does not know. Anything.
Tata Indicom retired their broadband services (how did they know I needed one?)
Hathway offers the worst plans.
All data cards suck.

I live in the Silicon Valley of India. Off Bannerghatta Road.

WHERE'S MY MONEY GOING?

2007-06-10T10:00:00.000+05:30

The salaried individual today begins earning at about 21 years of age. Every such individual wants a high salary; is willing to jump jobs for higher pay. But how many know exactly how much they earn? What each component of their salary means? Can they define CTC? Do they know if they are eligible for reimbursements and leave travel allowance?

How many individuals understand income tax? The numbers, the percentages, the nitty gritty? Do they understand the reason companies insist on declaration at the beginning of the financial year versus filing for returns? Why does one have to pay professional tax? What is TDS?

I claim to understand about 50% of the whole deal. I still don't know if I'm doing the best I can to save tax, or if I'm claiming all the money I am eligible for. Every HR session on these topics is filled with ambiguity and the irritation of non-specific details. For some reason, I haven't found a website that explains to me what tax is (in dummy-level terminology), and how it works - probably no website will, because what I need is a sit-down session customized to my needs. Is the answer a professional tax planner even for middle class salaried people?

I am amazed at how happily ignorant I was a few years ago, and have let my money slip through my fingers because:
- I did not get my PF transferred when I changed jobs
- I did not declare my savings and did not file for returns (everyone said, oh IT people, it is hell to get your money back!)
- I did not best utilise the reimbursements I was eligible for

Note to self and warning to all: Before you run to the shop to buy more butter, look at the butter that's melting on the table in front of you!

ORKUT BOTHERS

2007-05-27T18:19:00.000+05:30

Orkut is one big boon to help track down old acquaintances and keep track of current ones. The concept of communities, friend groups, scraps - it's all cool.

However, there is one feature Orkut really needs to discontinue: the ability to change one's own display name. When your friend list is over two hundred and you want to search for a particular friend in your list, there is no quick way if the person has a display image of a vague illustration, a car or hopeless scenery and a display name like "Lara has retired", "Saurav da is back", or some philosophical crap about life/love. Sheesh!

Also, a special brickbat for those who use the scrapbook feature as an instant messenger! What pain and inconvenience (has become so fashionable!) when there are so many instant messengers doing their jobs so well!

GREAT LAKES

2007-05-15T12:59:00.000+05:30

I took this picture near the Adugodi bus stand. If anyone is looking for a 2 Bedroom+Hall+Kitchen house in Bangalore, here's someone willing to trade land for water.

COOLNESS WORLD

2007-05-13T19:36:00.000+05:30

Every business is trying to sound cool these days. Not sure if this is a new thing but I noticed Sree Krishna Collection is aggressively marketing itself as SKC. And Naidu Hall is calling itself NaiHaa (sounds like the thamizh name for Chihuahua!)

A few years ago in Chennai, my friend took me to this place in Triplicane called MIS. Murugan Idli Shop!!

The other naming convention that amuses me is the appendage of the word "world" to a not-so-big shop's name. Electronics World, Furniture World, Computer World... Near my house is this little stall that accommodates only one standing person and one hanging clump of meat that's called Mutton World (this one's my favourite!). It IS a small world, in this case !

I'm thinking of changing this blog's name to OJS. Or should it be Orangeworld?

WITH HER

2007-05-07T12:48:00.000+05:30

No one has ever told me what happiness is supposed to feel like; what the symptoms are. Happiness is something I'm not used to for a sustained period of time (more than two days). If I were writing a dictionary, my definition of happiness would be: "a transitory phase between bouts of unhappiness".

Then what is this unbelievable feeling... that I feel now, in her company, with such great ferociousness in wanting to smile all the time? After six years of being in love with her in the most separatist of circumstances - the closer she gets to me, the more I feel physical spasms of deliciousness in my existence and mental orgasms of comfort in her presence! Is this the happiness out of which I was cheating myself all these years?

Today, I walked with her on the streets of Bangalore in the rain that she loves so much. She walked slowly, reluctant to step into shelter and away from the pouring rain. And I walked slower, folded umbrella in hand, reluctant to step into shelter and away from her. I chipped a tooth gritting to control myself from screaming to the world that she is with me.

I cannot resist the temptation to believe that there is a possibility of constancy in happiness.

BETA BOTHERS

2007-04-15T00:13:00.002+05:30

Thank you for writing in to find out if I'm doing alright.

Have been struggling since I upgraded to Blogger Beta - template problems especially. Just no time to fiddle with the code. I am finally able to blog again with undiminished desire.

DETROIT DIARY CLOSE

2007-01-31T08:22:00.000+05:30

Three months in Detroit.
Away from loved ones for the longest time in my life.

The months rolled by very quickly!
I just had trouble getting through the days.

AFTER FOURTEEN YEARS

2007-01-21T22:01:00.000+05:30

1992. I was in standard five. My (my first ever) best friend and classmate, Riju Chatterjee, was moving to Calcutta that summer. We decided to visit each other's homes before we parted. I went to his house and we had the greatest time. The day he was supposed to turn up, he didn't. I did not have a telephone in my house at that time, and after frantic attempts to contact him, I realised he was gone.. forever. I hadn't noted down his new address.

(Man, I actually lived in an era of no mobile phones, no e-mail!!)

For years after that, I pounced on anyone who said they were from Calcutta with a street name that I thought I had heard Riju mention. As I grew older, I realised that it was as stupid as an Indian movie hero going to America with just the heroine's childhood photo in hand to track her down. But that didn't stop me from making efforts.

However, the jokes, the songs, the music, and the conversations only ten year olds can have, have remained as fresh as ever in my mind. I don't have as much memory of my first crush as much as I do of my first best friend. And I thought he would remain a memory forever.

Orkut happened.

I found him! And took four days to deal with the extreme vibrations of happiness the excitement caused in my body. I learnt that he had been trying to find me too. Never asked him why he didn't turn up at my house fourteen years ago. For I was too shocked and sweetly surpised that he remembered the jokes, the songs, the music, and the conversations only ten year olds can have.

MAATTU PONGAL

2007-01-16T00:44:00.000+05:30

Today is Maattu Pongal. Being a pious person, I restricted my diet to just beef. On display is Beefe Sandwiche a la Vinesh. Beef is tasty - long live the cow!

SNOW WOE

2007-01-06T15:01:00.001+05:30

One of the things that I looked forward to eagerly in my US visit was snow! Having never even visited Abirami Snow World in Chennai, I wanted to make a snow-woman in Detroit and take a picture with her. Detroit is considered to be one of the coldest cities in the US, especially at this time of the year. And I have barely seen 0.25 inches of snow!

Weather News
Metro Detroit logged the fifth warmest December on record since the early 1870s, when the National Weather Service began compiling statistics. The average monthly temperature for Metro Detroit in December is 29.6 degrees. Here's a list of the warmest Decembers and the average temperatures:
1881: 40.6 degrees
1889: 39.2 degrees
1877: 38.1 degrees
1923: 37.7 degrees
2006: 37.4 degrees
Source: National Weather Service

Well, at least that answers the question: Is it hot in here or is it just me?

CALL OF THE WILD

2007-01-03T11:15:00.000+05:30

Was on the phone with Comcast for an hour trying to resolve internet connectivity issues.

Three years ago, I was a tech support guy answering phone calls from American customers for SBC Yahoo DSL. Today, I'm sitting in Detroit talking to Candice from Comcast. Feels good! Not that I ever considered working in call centers demeaning, but for the kind of person I was, I struggled with a few things:

1. My ureter had to wait for the call queue to diminish.
2. I had to rush down to cafeteria, wait in queue, gulp my food, and walk back to call floor within thirty minutes. Felt like a junior artiste in the video of the Pink Floyd song "We don't need no education".
3. Social life after call center became like actress Simran's career after marriage.

Whenever I'm pissed about my current job, I think about my life in the call center, and I find a lot to be thankful for!

SAME SAME PUPPY SAME

2007-01-02T10:20:00.000+05:30

In the middle of a serious physics lesson in school one day, the teacher suddenly asked us, "What travels fastest in the universe?". Someone answered, "Light", then someone said, "Sound", then "Photon", then "Light and Photon are same you moron", then "No they're not", then "Supersonic plane", then some even funnier answers. The correct answer was a googly.

"Imagination. Nothing can travel faster than imagination. One moment you can be here, the very next.. in Paris. Then Antartica. From there to Japan.."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Was watching TV in my apartment in Detroit, Michigan, when a thought struck me. Staying inside the house watching TV, connecting to the internet, adjusting the room temperature to my comfort... as long as I'm indoors, how does it matter which part of the world I am in? Chennai same, Bangalore same, Detroit same.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Took a detailed online test today, and here are the results:

The likelihood that you have major or clinical depression is high. You should see a trained health professional to confirm the diagnosis and discuss what treatment might be best for you.

The CESD or Center for Epidemiologic Studies Depression Scale was developed in the late 1970s and has been completed by thousands of individuals in medical settings and studies. Almost 85 per cent of those found to have depression after an in-depth structured interview with a psychiatrist will have a high score on the CES-Depression Scale.

Hahaha - what a load of crap! As if this explains why I've been crying watching Friends, CNN News, and reality show montages in the past few days!

TO BE HAPPY

2007-01-01T15:30:00.000+05:30

When I sat down to write my performance self-appraisal for work, I realised that I don't have long-term goals for both my professional and personal lives - how scary is that? So far, my best attempt at setting a long-term goal has been: To be happy.

As I began to fragment 2006 into months and consolidate data about my achievements at work, I realised the importance of setting goals and writing objectives to achieve them. I realise how I'm fuelling the car and driving relentlessly, improving manoeuvring skills, and getting better at road sense, but not really bothering about the route I'm taking. How much of this is because I don't really know myself?

As step one, I have created an account on 43 Things (try it, folks), and am rapidly building a list of goals for 2007. I don't like the word "resolution" because it has become synonymous with the word "broken". And just like I do on the job as instructional designer while creating courses, I am trying to define SMART goals. So instead of, "I will lose my bad habits", a goal would be, "On December 31, the nails on each of my ten fingers will be found unbitten" (which, by the way, has been one of my biggest personal achievements of 2006).

Wish you a fun, productive 2007, friends!

LOOSU MUSIC

2006-12-30T01:15:00.000+05:30

Sometimes I think I made the right decision to stop pursuing a career in thamizh music.

Earlier, we had singers with bad diction, now we have singers who are tone deaf! I am now in serious doubt if the musicians are tone deaf and diction ignorant or if the audience is! I can't tolerate the fact that Yuvan Shankar and Simbhu boast of more hit songs this year than SP Balasubramaniam and Hariharan! Damn it - T.Rajender had a hit song! Even the promising Karthik had a mild 2006 and I'm scared that Naresh Iyer too will be replaced by someone who sings better "tameel".

The condition of female singers is no different - they said Asha's diction was better than Lata's, Sadhna's is better than Asha's, Shreya Ghoshal's is better than Sadhna's. It is heartwrenchingly pathetic to see thamizh audiences grow to accept mediocrity because it is better than horrible. Chitra - where are you - I want to marry you!

I know I shouldn't be measuring standards by Simbhu or Yuvan, but I feel a deep sense of angst when I hear people talk about Loosu Penne being the Best Song of 2006 (this song has spawned more than 20 fan club communities on Orkut with thousands of members). To me, Loosu Penne (the way Simbhu pronounces it) sounds like a pen for which the cap won't fit because it is broken.

And the extreme disservice Yuvan is rendering to music by singing, is unfathomable. I mean, how can a guy who promotes off-key singing even be a music director? But his music sells.

AR Rahman's voice grows on you, just like Ilayaraja's did, but I wish Rahman sang fewer songs. Especially, the Tere Bina number in Guru would have been so much better had Mani Ratnam stuck to Qadir Khan's version [reference link]. Directors and producers play an important role in determining who records the song in the film.

The four thamizh albums that left some impression in my mind from 2006 were: Vettayaadu ViLayaadu, Sillunnu Oru Kaadhal, Unakkum Enakkum, Parijatham.

Unakkum Enakkum, by far, was my favourite album of 2006. Probably the fact that I hadn't listened to the Telugu original helped. I liked every single song in the album. And 95% of it sounded like thamizh!!

Okay, I'm off now to work on my new song,
"Schizophrenic Pennae
Pizza Topping Kannae"

SCENE OF THREE CITIES

2006-12-30T00:30:00.000+05:30

One of my favourite things to do is to irritate my loved ones (especially my sisters) with my pseudo-xenophilia. And wonder at the amazing accuracy with which it strikes their raw nerve every time! :-) When I moved from Chennai to Bangalore, it was always about "city of no sweat", "a place where people have lives", "city of gorgeous girls", "city of dreams" etc. With time, I just got so used to enjoying their reaction to my fake superiority that it became a regular activity of pleasure.

And now that I am in Detroit for a while, it is "US is country; India is village" and prefixing "blady Indian" ("blady" = thamizh variant of "bloody") before each thing that is Indian (example: blady Indian weather, blady Indian roads, etc).

Having said all that, all cities mean the same to me. No special affection for Chennai because I grew up there or Bangalore because it gave me a decent job or Detroit because it showed me high standard of living.

To me, having people I love in a city makes the city beautiful.

SATISFYING

2006-12-25T12:59:00.000+05:30

I cried and cried and cried. Throughout the movie.
And came out of the theater, stronger.

I'm glad that there are still people out there making movies the way I like them.
Official Website

OF STARS AND REVOLUTIONS

2006-12-23T01:56:00.000+05:30

Link: Tamil star Prashanth wants wife back

When did Prashanth become a superstar?
(read first line of IBN news article)

Here is a list of monikers of South Indian actors for the benefit of ignorant news channels. Let me see how many stars I can recollect. Folks correct me if I got any wrong or missed any.

Superstar - Rajnikanth
Mega Star - Chiranjeevi & Mammootty
Supreme Star - Sarath Kumar
Little Superstar - Simbhu
Ultimate Star - Ajith Kumar
Top Star - Prashanth
Multiple Star (my favourite!!) - SJ Suryah
Power Star - Pawan Kalyan
Mighty Star - Junior NTR
Real Star - Upendra

Other titles (with English translation):
Ulaga Naayagan (Universal Hero) - Kamal Hassan
Ilaya Dhalapadhi (Young Turk) - Vijay
Puratchi Thalaivar (Revolutionary Leader)- MGR
Puratchi Kalaignar (Revolutionary Artiste)/ Captain - Vijaykanth
Puratchi Thamizhan (Revolutionary Tamilian) - Sathyaraj
Puratchi Nadigar (Revolutionary Actor) - Murali
Makkal Naayagan (People's Hero) - Ramarajan
Navarasa Naayagan (Hero of All Nine Emotions) - Karthik
Makkal Thilagam (People's ???) - MGR
Nadigar Thilagam (Actors' ???) - Sivaji
Nadigayar Thilagam (Actresses' ???)- Savithiri
Kaadhal Mannan (King of Love) - Gemini Ganesan
Ilaya Thilagam (Young ???) - Prabhu
Vaigai Puyal (Storm from Vaigai) - Vadivelu
JanangaLin Kalaignan (Masses' Artiste)- Vivek
Punnagai Arasi (Queen of Smile) - K.R.Vijaya
Punnagai Ilavarasi (Princess of Smile) - Sneha
Abhinaya Saraswathi (God please translate)- Saroja Devi
Naatiya Peroli (Light of Dance) - Padmini

SCREAM

2006-12-18T09:56:00.000+05:30

Obligated to volunteer;
Pressurized to relax;
Free will fornicated.

Screaming in silence.

Hiding from admission -
Admission to depression;
Knowing I have been
Spotted hiding.

Every action becomes known
As denomination of a negative byproduct
Sincere intentions humiliated.

Fake smiles to loved ones
Stink stronger
Than fake smiles to unloved ones
And old meat in my refrigerator.

Happiness drips away
Rapidly towards anaemia.

LOVE

2006-12-08T11:56:00.000+05:30

She pulled him away
From the path of a speeding truck!
Why don't you want to live, she asked.
I don't have a reason to live, he said.

She kissed him firmly on his lips.
A promise was born!

A promise that flickers nervously now
In front of his eyes now amidst blackouts
In the Intensive Care Unit.
This time, a speeding truck
He didn't plan to stand in front of.

BALLISTIC OVER BORAT

2006-11-22T08:52:00.000+05:30

Saw Borat over the weekend. At first, the character's face seemed quite repulsive, but as I watched the trailers, my interest in the film began to grow. The most outrageous stuff I'd watched since Jim Carrey's Ace Ventura. Little did I know that the actual movie would make Ace Ventura seem like subtle comedy.

For those who don't know Borat (played by Sacha Baron Cohen), he's a journalist who visits the "US and A" to learn from American culture to spread to his countrymen in Kazakhstan. His adventures in America form the movie, and it's a string of scenes put together like a high school play. He manages to shock and offend everyone he comes across, and makes the most chauvinistic, prejudiced, politically incorrect statements throughout the movie.

I know that I don't easily get shocked since I've already watched different kinds of crap in my life. I never thought, though, that I would laugh for jokes involving incest, paedophilia, and killing Jews, besides others. Maybe in a sense, the movie tickled my base senses that aren't cultured or civilised. Or maybe I just knew too much to take any of that stuff even a bit seriously.

The problem is this guy is addictive, and the more trailers you watch, the more you want to watch the movie. And once you've watched the movie, you want to watch it again. I'm currently digging out the other Borat clips available on YouTube and Google Video. Borat was a character originally created for Da Ali G Show, a TV series on HBO.

Borat says he's from Kazhakhstan, but the picture he paints of the country is nowhere close to the real Kazakhstan. The only people who will be fooled into believing otherwise need to have an IQ of less than 2.

What I like best about the movie is how it laughs at the human tendency to stereotype people, behaviour, and practices. We judge easily, we categorise easily - but how valid is that judgement or categorisation. Audiences who cannot see beyond the crude jokes will not get the true beauty of this movie for sure.

Some links if you're interested:
Borat Reviews
Borat Trailers

DETROIT DIARY - 8

2006-11-18T05:49:00.000+05:30

Life is impossible in this place without a car of your own. A colleague-friend was nice enough to spend the afternoon taking me around. Got to visit The Detroit Historical Museum and The Detroit Institute of Arts. Now, museums are places you can spend months on! Still, enjoyed the three hours awesomely!

Here is a painting on a wall (click picture to enlarge) inside the art museum that symbolises Detroit's industry bent of mind.

One thing that hit me really hard today, though, was how little I know about my own culture and city (be it Chennai or Bangalore). Here I am, in a new city, trying to look, feel, smell, taste real Detroit. But I won't be able to take someone who's new to Chennai sight-seeing though I've lived there for 23 years.

I want to go back and "visit" Bangalore. I want to go back and "visit" Chennai. With a companion (travelling sucks when you're alone!)

DETROIT DIARY - 7

2006-11-16T07:15:00.000+05:30

Am I missing Indian food? NO WAY, HOSAY!

Taking the opportunity to eat as much beef as possible - difficult to get back home. Also, a colleague-friend has been nice enough to take me to different cuisine restaurants. Have tried Ethiopian and Polish so far. Both have been very memorable dining experiences for me. Look forward to cuisines Japanese, Arabic, Vanuatu, Samoa Island, Guatemala, and Vatican City! :-)

Table manners? Aah! I knew the crash course in knife-fork eating wasn't enough. Struggled way too much with the cutlery before I surrendered and dug my hand into the food. Somehow, spoons, forks, and knives seem like prosthetic limbs. So difficult to operate them, and a waste when you already have natural limbs (profoundness for the day). Have been successful in chewing food with my mouth closed though.

Pizza here is so much more yum and cheesy than Indian pizza. Though that's probably because I eat Rs.110 pizzas there, and there's nothing less than $8 pizzas here. Ate the famous pepperoni - yummmmmmalicioiuss!!!! :-)

DETROIT DIARY - 6

2006-11-14T08:09:00.000+05:30

The only time I've experienced static shocks is from my computer screen back home. Here, I seem to be getting shocks from everywhere - door knobs, switches, elevator buttons.

I was highly concerned that I may get static shocks from toilet paper (now that would be disastrous!) when I stumbled upon this webpage: Static Shocks

Now this is getting so bad that I'm becoming paranoid about touching stuff. I mean, I carefully touch stuff with one finger instead of clutching at a door knob or something. I know that's foolish, because I'm still going to get the shock when I use my finger.

Tried to look up if there's a phobia listed for fear of static electricity at: Unusual Phobias. This is one whacky website (!) but I couldn't get my answer.

Hmm.. as if the culture shock was not enough!

DETROIT DIARY - 5 (drool of the week)

2006-11-13T07:05:00.000+05:30

American (especially but not restricted to African American) girls are good looking.. very good looking! They know how to dress great, look great, very graceful, don't overdo makeup, but..

I miss Indian girls! Terribly! (Bangalore girls.. you're the best!)

DETROIT DIARY - 4

2006-11-11T06:22:00.000+05:30

America has to do everything the exact opposite way the rest of the world does it. They drive and walk on the right side! I mean, I knew this driving bit before, but even the flush on the western commode is on the left side instead of right - man!!! Always catch myself keeping to the left, and realise it only when the person walking opposite me is about to walk into me.

Today, as usual, I was walking on the left, and suddenly became aware of it. To my surprise, a group of people on the other side were walking on the "incorrect side" too. One look at their faces - all Indians! Ha!

Every strange person in the apartment says one the following: Hi, How you doin, Hey whassup, Good morning (senior citizens), or just a bob of the head. Took me a while to get used to this. I mean, I don't know you! But I guess it's a nice concept to acknowledge another's presence in one's vicinity. And even if there is space for 2 baby elephants to walk alongside me, I still hear an "excuse me" when someone passes me by. Huh, who, what can I do for you??? But the person has already zoomed past you.

DETROIT DIARY - 3

2006-11-09T11:26:00.000+05:30

I can't get over the fact that I can see Canada from my balcony - it's right across the Detroit river! I live on the 26th floor, and get air sickness every time I use the elevator (they should come with puke bags). The view from top makes me feel I'm looking at children's playkits with a model road and hotwheels cars zooming by.

Probably because these sights are new to me, I'm quite fascinated by almost everything I see. Like a village bumpkin in the big city. Or a urban industrialist tycoon in a village.

The maximum temperature is 2 degrees celsius. In fahrenheit, that would be 36 degrees! I have only known 36 degrees celsius! Bangalore seemed human to me, having lived in Chennai all my life. Detroit is again the other extreme of Chennai. The worst part is I "feel" combatant against the cold when I'm outdoors. But the effect shows on my body once I'm back indoors, and my whole nasal system is screwed up!

And these people here drink only ice-cold water! I ask for water without ice, and I still get "ice water". Apparently I have to ask for "hot water" to get the temperature of water I drink. Bummer.

DETROIT DIARY - 2

2006-11-07T09:22:00.000+05:30

It is comforting to know that Detroit is not the most dangerous city in the US. It is ranked way behind at #2. It is supposedly more dangerous than BTM Layout or Banshankari in Bangalore.

Have been warned not to walk alone on the streets after sunset. Which is 1600 hrs in this place (ok, I'm exaggerating by an hour)!! That rules out evening walks after work. Every night, I hear sirens and weird noises, and I'm thinking of wild shooting and murders happening, and police cars chasing them.

Detroit nagaram urangum vaeLai kolaigaL vizhugudhe
Thalaigal uruludhe
Padiyai irangiye kaalgaL poga marukkudhe!

It rained heavily last night, and what would have been a major flood in Chennai or Bangalore, has ended up a waterwash for the roads.

DETROIT DIARY - 1

2006-11-05T23:59:00.000+05:30

Arrived in Detroit, United States, on a business trip.

Personal milestones
* My first time out of India
* My first intelligible-age air travel
* Third city I've lived in for more than three days in a row, after Chennai and Bangalore

Bangalore to Mumbai to Amsterdam to Detroit was one huge sleepwalk. Felt I was slipping into a coma as I lost track of time, travelling across timezones. Thanks to my prior experience working in call centers and irregular eating schedules, never got to experience jet lag.

Temperature of 4 degrees centigrade! Not as cold as I psyched myself to cope with, strangely.

Bought a digital camera (Canon Powershots SD600) at Circuit City - good I did, had no clue this stuff would be so much cheaper in the US! You can watch out for lots of pictures soon, folks! :-) Checked out a few historical monuments of America - Wal*Mart, Taco Bell, and Best Buy, thanks to a friend who had a car.

P.S: Backdating this post to coincide with arrival date.

ABACHAARAM

2006-10-11T20:37:00.000+05:30

To this day, there exist educated girls' families who will announce to the whole world that she's attained puberty; create and celebrate her embarassment. But later ask her to keep her sanitary napkins tucked safely inside her handbag so that other people don't see it and know that she is going through her periods.

To this day, there exist educated girls' parents who won't let the girl touch household stuff or other people during her monthly cycle. And make her sleep on the floor during that time.

To this day, there exist educated girls' parents who will let the son travel far and wide; study and earn. But will not send the girl to a neighbouring city college because they want her "at least" to be with them.

To this day, there exist educated girls' families who send their daughters only to girls' schools or colleges to avoid their coming into contact with boys. Worse still, send them to co-education colleges and order them not to talk to boys.

To this day, there exist educated girls' parents who will not let the girl marry the boy of her choice. For the only reason that he is from a different religion or caste. Or worse still, in the same religion and caste, but different subcaste.

The problem is: these people are not educated, they are only literate.

SCENT OF A MAN

2006-10-05T00:31:00.000+05:30

I have been using AXE body spray for quite sometime now. When I was younger, I thought bodysprays were for people who didn't bathe or had body odour (like a disease). The mindset shift from "not smelling bad" of "smelling good" took quite a while to set in.

What I don't get is how I'm supposed to know each fragrance. From the names - Voodoo, Orion, Apollo, Phoenix, Dimension, Gravity!!? All supermarkets I know only display "No testing" boards in their body spray section. I used to laugh at people who sniffed at the nozzle to determine the scent until I started to do it myself.

Big players like Axe will have it easy because their brand is popular, but smaller companies should provide a smell stick so that people can know what they're buying. Some people vouch for Cinthol body spray, but I would never pay money to buy something that smells just like my soap, until I know that it has something different - and good.

WHEN MAN BECOMES GOD

2006-10-02T20:58:00.000+05:30

A friend asked me today: Are you for or against Gandhi? Its been a while since I've lost the habit of thinking on these lines as I'm out of school and college, and there are no more elocution competitions to commemorate special days. My TV is not tuned to receive Doordarshan either, so it's been ages since I last watched Richard Attenborough's epic.

All my life, I've been told (by history books, elders, television documentaries, newspaper articles) that Gandhi is God. And I used to think that if a man is called the Father of the Nation and his image appears on the nation's currency, he must be big!

My only flash cuts to Gandhi's "negative side" used to be my Indian Air Force pilot-friend, who always abused Gandhi for "screwing up on the Partition". And I've read pieces about Gandhi's controversial experiments with Brahmacharya. Somehow, the growing cynicism in me wants to think there must be more to the man than just truth and non-violence. Again, I believe that all people are made of goodness and evil, and that the two must be weighed to determine, in the greater scheme of things, the person's greatness.

I believe nobody in real life can be a thamizh film hero - embodiment of all good things, without a trace of negativity in them. And that every person is glorified after their death, positive side usually conquering the dark side. Couple this with our national tendency to turn people into "Gods", in the truest sense of the word.

So, as "Is Gandhigiri relevant today" debates happen on NDTV and Sun TV airs Thiruda Thirudi, my response to my friend's question:
I don't know enough about Gandhi to form an opinion of him.

Suddenly my ill-informedness slaps me very hard!

Some interesting links:
MK Gandhi's Autobiography
More on the Mahatma
Much more on the Mahatma
(warning - may be offensive to some):
Nathuram Godse
More on Nathuram Godse
The Gandhi Nobody Knows by Richard Grenier

THE OLDEST I'VE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE

2006-09-20T00:13:00.000+05:30

Never thought that I would live to see twenty four. Good - more people will take me seriously.

MORE RADAR BLIPS

2006-09-19T00:14:00.000+05:30

Over the past ten days...

My favourite song in Sillunnu Oru Kaadhal is Maja Maja. Definitely not the "best" (esp compared to New York Nagaram and Munbe Vaa), but my favourite! Find myself humming it all the time.. Rahman has interspersed the most adorable and interesting nuances throughout the song!

SPB Charan is the luckiest dog in the world. Just for being SPB's son, he is gifted with a voice like his dad - unfair! How awesome he is beginning to sound these days! Wish he got many many songs!

One of my ex-colleagues whom I introduced to a matrimonial website is getting married via the same website. Hmm.. there is a thamizh proverb, "Ooraar piLLaiyai ootti vaLarthaal than piLLai thaane vaLarum", which means "If you nurture another's child, your child will grow up on his own".
*sigh* Wonder if the same applies to, "Ooraar kaadhalai ootti vaLarthaal..." (If you nurture another's love..)

Some people very close to me freak out at the sight of white hair on their heads. Some at the sight of wrinkles on their forehead. What will ageing do to me, I wonder.

I was only used to women unknowingly revealing cleavage, and then adjusting hurriedly when they realised. Here, I see women using their cleavage to manipulate situations/people. I call this "power cleavage".

At least one in every three cars with sari-clad women in them have a piece of the sari sticking out of the closed door.

There are other items in restaurants that are tasty apart from Chicken Fried Rice and Gobi Manchurian. Making it a point to eat as many different foods as possible.

Are the guys at Google for real? The kind of things they come up with every now and then! (Check out: Google Labs) I think the chances of Google invading Earth are more likely than martians or extraterrestrials doing the same.

Can I just retire at 30? At the max, 35?

FIRST WEEK - SEPTEMBER

2006-09-10T01:13:00.000+05:30

Some random blips on my radar in the past week:

A eunuch kept touching me repeatedly, and threatened to hitch up its saree for indecent exposure if I didn't part with any money. The government should authorise shoot at sight rights for citizens to deal with this menace.

Old friends are like diaries in flesh and blood. I've said this before, but I'll say it again: My present acquaintances know what I am now. My best and oldest friend knows why I am what I am now.

The female human form is the greatest physical creation in this world. If I had the luxury of being a Thiruvalluvar or a Byron, would this one birth be enough to experience the fullness of a woman's beauty?

Is this one birth enough to experience the complete beauty of at least a single strand of hair on my sweetheart's head?

Hundred-rupee watches on the street rock! Each time I've bought one, it's lasted me a minimum of three years. I can't imagine ever buying a Rolex for a fortune and wear the same (same!!) watch for a life time!

How do arranged marriages work? How can couples bring themselves to agree to a third person setting up time for the "first night"?

I cannot understand the concept of people buying "brand new" faded jeans, worn jeans, torn jeans, shirts that look they're being worn inside out. I'd rather buy new clothes, use them for hundred years, and then call them brand new "fashionable" clothes.

Staring at eyebrow piercings and multiple (more than two per year) ear piercings for more than 2 seconds makes me nauseous.

How horrible would it be to tongue kiss a girl with a tongue piercing? Yuaghh!!

Why am I attracted to Paris Hilton?

JOLLY OL' FELLA

2006-09-01T00:21:00.000+05:30

This chat happened five years ago - found this today, saved up in an old folder.

Trying to play the ever-empathetic nice fella, I (jolly_ol_fella) decided to go to the Depression Support Room in Yahoo Chat, to try raise some cheer. I meet this person im_blue.

jolly_ol_fella: Hi!
im_blue :Hi

I noticed that this person had a very weak font. My sharp eyes also deftly caught the absence of the exclamation mark. Lack of enthusiasm. I figured this person was really down...

jolly_ol_fella:Really in the dumps ah?
im_blue :Yeah, your not messin with me r u?
jolly_ol_fella:Hey?
jolly_ol_fella:Cool it!
im_blue :Sorry. Too many people have taken advantage of my honesty

I felt pity. Life had surely been harsh on him/her. It showed....

jolly_ol_fella:Relax ....I've been there...know how it feels
im_blue :You do?
jolly_ol_fella:Why do ya think I keep smilin all the time
im_blue :I have major problems
jolly_ol_fella:U cud talk to me.....
jolly_ol_fella: ....if ya wanna
im_blue :Really?
jolly_ol_fella:F course..what r frendz 4?
im_blue :How old r u first?

Uh-oh! This conversation was building up just fine. I didn't want to destroy it. I hesitated, but then decided there was no way I could find out what he/she wanted.

jolly_ol_fella:I'm 19, but I hope that wont disqualify me!
im_blue :I'm 19
jolly_ol_fella:Good. Go on...
im_blue :Well, it's my grandpa..
jolly_ol_fella:Yes?
im_blue :I live with my grandparent and he's losin his mind
jolly_ol_fella:What exactly IS the prob?
im_blue :He keeps tellin me that I'm adopted and that my mom is a whore
im_blue :I don't know if I'm adopted

Tsk, tsk....what a sad state, I thought to myself. I wanted to know more about this guy who didn't know anything about himself...

jolly_ol_fella:Are u studying now or working?
im_blue :Studying
jolly_ol_fella:And your Grandpa pays 4 it?
im_blue :Yeah he pays for it
im_blue :And....well I can't say it nevermind
jolly_ol_fella:What?
jolly_ol_fella:Come on ...talk
im_blue :Its gross..
jolly_ol_fella:If it helps ya feel better
im_blue :Well okay!

Pouring out one's worries was the best way to feel better. I was proud of myself! I was making this person feel better already!

im_blue :I walked in my room and he was on my bed with my clothes on

Oops!

jolly_ol_fella:Er....are u a girl?
im_blue :No I'm a guy
jolly_ol_fella:Ok
im_blue :And I turned around and ran..and he was yelling at me...
jolly_ol_fella:What does he want from you
im_blue :He tried to touch me!
im_blue :I didn't know what to do
jolly_ol_fella:Oh god!
im_blue :He's a lot bigger than me

I wanted to help him out. But how could I?

jolly_ol_fella:Do u have someone really close u can talk to bout this to?
jolly_ol_fella:In ur vicinity I mean
im_blue :No one
im_blue :My parents are gone
im_blue :That's why I live with him
im_blue :Anyways, all I could think to do is grab the poker from the fireplace and hit him with it....

I was still thinking of ways this poor guy could be freed from his horrible gay grandpa.

jolly_ol_fella:Any way that u can live elsewhere...and work 4 ur money?
im_blue :I can't get a job
jolly_ol_fella:Why not?
im_blue :I have a bad back and I can't stand for more that 10 minutes at a time

Tsk, tsk...did God have to give this guy EVERY kind of trouble?

jolly_ol_fella:I'm sorry...
jolly_ol_fella:Are you religious, im_blue ?
im_blue :No, god doesn't love me
im_blue :Anyways, I didn't realize how hard I hit him

I had almost forgotten that he was telling me about that scuffle with his grandfather.

jolly_ol_fella:What happ. to him?
im_blue :I can't really say
jolly_ol_fella: **WHAT?????**
im_blue :Now u see y im so depressed
jolly_ol_fella:When did this happen
im_blue :Last week
jolly_ol_fella:And what d u mean u can't say
jolly_ol_fella:How is he?
im_blue :Umm..not good to say the least
im_blue :He's dead, so I dumped him off in a field

*BLANK*

jolly_ol_fella:I dunno what to say!
im_blue :YOU HAVE JUST BEEN BUZZKILLED U SICK F***ER!!!

Wha???
jolly_ol_fella:Is this a joke im_blue?
im_blue :JUST F**ING WITH YOU, GET A LIFE DUMBASS
im_blue :That'll teach you to bother about other people!
jolly_ol_fella:That was good. I must say u were pretty convincing
im_blue :Thanks, well..later dude..
jolly_ol_fella:With a great sense of humour, what r u doing in this room?
jolly_ol_fella: ?
im_blue :F***ing with people

At that moment, everything became clear to me! Different folks came to different chatrooms for different purposes.

jolly_ol_fella:I see...
im_blue :Later, I'm gonna screw with fat people in Health and Dieting Room

I didn't feel really good right then. I wanted to cheer someone up, and they'd brought me down. But I was on a mission. I knew it was upto me to save those innocent obese people in the Dieting Room...

(To NOT be continued...)

FLYING INTO SOUP

2006-08-30T01:03:00.000+05:30

Why is the government giving away Arjuna Awards to sportsmen instead of people like these (click here) who jump off terraces after watching the movie Krrish? Do these people have at least pimple-sized brains?

Watched a ludicrous news report about how this movie "is having a negative effect on youth, and carrying the wrong message across"! I wonder in which scene Hrithik requests people to fly out from their balconies. How long will people keep blaming movies for influencing them? (As long as movies exist, I guess)

If anyone says that children are "spoiled" by watching movies like Krrish, they should stop letting their children watch Tom & Jerry - where scenes of fighting/sabotage/scheming/exploding are common. Can one say that visuals such as this (click here) influence the child's mind to hurt humans and treat animals badly?

WHOSE LIFE IS IT ANYWAY?

2006-08-26T08:11:00.000+05:30

Acid-throwing is not a new type of cannibalism. However, the recent case of Joseph Rodrigues who threw acid on a 20-year-old girl, destroying her eyesight and disfiguring her (couldn't digest my food after seeing her face) is disturbing, more for the court judgement than the incident itself.

A sessions court in Karnataka had sentenced him to a mere five-year jail term and imposed a fine of Rs. 3 lakh for "voluntarily causing grievous hurt by dangerous weapon or means". On further appeal, just last week, Rodrigues was sentenced to life imprisonment for "attempt to murder".

You learn something new every day. I learnt yesterday that "life imprisonment" does not really mean "imprisonment for life", and the convict is not jailed till he/she dies. It is only a stipulated number of years. Supreme Court says, "it must be treated as imprisonment for the whole of the remaining period of the convict's natural life".

So what about the remaining period of the victim's natural life? Click here for the 'Before-After' picture of the girl. Her name, ironically, is Haseena.

But then, what can I say when even a rape convict in this country gets away with five or ten years' imprisonment. Will anything less than methodical slicing of the convicts' penises in full public display suffice? That too after his entire property is sold off, made to work like a dog and the money given to the victim. None of this makes the victim's life better, but it will serve as deterrent to many such vile monsters.

FIANCEE FURY

2006-08-23T01:02:00.000+05:30

A female friend of mine received a call on her mobile phone this evening. A female voice on the other end.

Friend: Hello!
Female voice: Hello, who's this?
Friend: You called me! You tell me who you are!
Female voice: Are you Kumar's friend?
Friend: Who is Kumar? And what is your name?
Female voice: My name is Sunitha.
Friend: Sorry, what's your name again?
Female voice: *angrily* Sunitha - can't you hear properly?
Friend: Excuse me, be polite. Which number do you want?
Female voice: I am Kumar's fiancee. I saw this number in his Dialled Calls list. So I want to know who this is!
Friend: I don't know any Kumar. You have the wrong number.
Female voice: I SAW YOUR NUMBER in his Dialled list!! Whoever you are, stop all your contacts with Kumar!
Friend: #@&@*#$@!!

My friend was flustered at the end of it all, but five minutes later, she was laughing with the rest of us.

My heartfelt condolences to Kumar.

CARTOONED

2006-08-20T17:42:00.000+05:30

People tell me I'm quite a cartoon, but now, Chitra Venkataramani has taken it literally, and one step ahead! Chitra is one of the very few bloggers with their own popular comic strip blogs (hers is called 'Horticulture').

Horticulture has just completed 50 strips, and the latest colour strip brings together her family, friends, and fellow bloggers. Was shocked to find myself in that panel, with a glass of orange juice in hand, and getting legpulled for my discopartyphobia! :-)

I'm quite touched (thanks Chitra!), and folks, do check out her blog and comic strips! What I like best about them is the characterisation and straight-faced humour.

PRERECORDED LOVE

2006-08-18T20:20:00.000+05:30

Does anybody use the message templates on their mobile phones? The ones that read, "In a meeting", "See you at", "Busy now. Will call later", and so on. I was scanning through the various options they have, and was terribly amused to see this one:

"I love you too"

Clearly, a boon for all those who have no time for their nagging partners - haha!
Folks, feel free to come up with your own ideas for message templates, and post them in the comments section :-)

LOGIC ILLAA MAGIC SOMETHING

2006-08-16T07:10:00.000+05:30

Saw the movie Unakkum Enakkum over the holiday weekend. First, I think it is a good approach by Karunanidhi to encourage films to be named in thamizh luring producers with the tax-free carrot. Stark contrast to Ramadoss and his henchmen who tore posters and damaged cinema halls.

It is amusing, however, to note that NOBODY refers to the movie as Unakkum Enakkum. Even the box office lady when I asked for the tickets, clarified, "You mean Something Something? Are you asking for Something Something". I blushed immediately, for she was kind of cute, but quickly realised she was referring to the erstwhile name of the movie.

I enjoyed the movie thoroughly! Which was a major surprise because the movie had:
- Jeyam Ravi, whom I don't like
- Trisha, whom I like, but not in village belle clothes, and sucked in this movie
- Cliched sentiment scenes
- 0% chemistry between the lead pair
- Almost no logic
- Predictable toilet/bad cooking jokes every 5 minutes

What worked in the movie for me was Devi Sri Prasad's music (which was ripped apart in all magazine reviews), Santhanam's comedy (the guy RULES), and..... god knows what else! Really surprising, but not a single dull moment in the movie! :-)

I had this opinion about myself that I could not enjoy masala movies anymore, and that I'd progressed to "classier" movies. The great time I had watching this one reassured me that I'm still a normal human being.

CINE PATRIOTS

2006-08-15T19:02:00.000+05:30

Independence Day was celebrated with much aplomb on all television channels - freedom fighters Gaana Ulaganathan, Maanicka Vinayagam, Simran, Vikram, AR Rahman, Jeyam Ravi and others taught us how to be united and proud of our motherland. We are fortunate to be living in the same era as these people who have won freedom for us.

DISCO FEVER AND RELATED ILLNESSES

2006-08-08T01:09:00.000+05:30

Where's the potty tonight?
On the dance floor!

My second time to an adult party (the only other parties I've been to in my life have been children's birthday parties) My first outing was so bad that I needed tranquilisers. This one wasn't much different - alcohol flowing, flesh flaunting, coloured lights wearing out the elastic on optic nerves, aural membranes brutally pounded by dickchick-dickchick.

Being an office do, I could not pass up the event. Everyone was dancing to insane Hindi song remixes, and I was asked several times to go to the dance floor. What did I do - politely refused and moved to interesting pastures, namely the buffet table. As I sat there with a plate of garlic basmati rice, paneer, alu, and butter chicken, I thought to myself - why can't I get myself to go up and dance? The music was definitely a major turn-off! I would have so grooved if Raaja, Raajadhi Raajanindha Raaja was playing! But that wasn't the only reason.

I am awestruck when people say partying helps them unwind. Do people really have fun this way, with all the crowd and the noise? The make-up, the flashy clothes, the hairdos, the fake hugs, the sexual undertones/overtones - I realised that I'm a complete misfit in this whole party outfit.

I also realised that no song in this world is safe from being remixed. The music sounded like the same song was playing throughout the party! Just take a song, add a dickchick-dickchick - lo and behold... a remix! And lame-brained Dickchick Jockeys (DJs) get paid filthy for this!

Most Annoying Sound in the World Award: Goes to the opening noise of the song Deedar De from Dus. Right-click here and Save Target As... to download and torture yourself.

My appreciation for carnatic music and ghazals has scaled an all-time high!

UNUSUAL STRESS RELIEVERS

2006-08-05T23:10:00.000+05:30

In what was an intensely stressful week at work, I bit and tore a stressbuster smiley ball to shreds. Yes, bit. It had the audacity to cheekily smile at me when I was having tough days. Now that it has outlived its purpose, I need some new ideas to adorn my workstation. I am not interested in goldfish bowls or potted plants.

Here's my shortlist:

- A fishtank with baby piranhas and a sign that reads "Fish are Biting" or "Fish that likes Fingers"
- My own set of American tribal belly dancers
- X-Ray vision glasses
- Stressbust games like these - God's Playing Field
- A photo of me at my suckiest previous job that will remind me I'm really in heaven now

UPDATED

2006-07-31T02:36:00.000+05:30

Received this pop-up on my computer out of the blue, that was gracious enough to let me know that I "have been updated"! I didn't even know I had something called Viewpoint Media Player installed on my computer!

Well, now that I have been updated, I hope I work better!

P.S: Something else on this blog has been updated - anyone notice? :-)

MOST POPULAR PERSONAL BLOG

2006-07-29T11:01:00.000+05:30

Orange Juice for the Soul has been listed as one of Chennai's Most Popular Personal Blogs by Chennaiist, "a collaborative weblog" that intends to "unify chennai city's expressions and provide a feast to the reader's mind".

Find listing here: Chennai's Most Popular Personal Blogs

Am not sure of the selection process, but I take this chance to thank you, my readers, for pumping for more Orange Juice with your every visit and comment. Cheers to y'all! :-)

CALL CENTERED

2006-07-28T01:35:00.000+05:30

"Another BPO Employee Murdered", "Call Centre Girl Killed" scream newspapers. Such a big deal is made out of the murder of Tania Banerjee. Agreed that murder is ghastly. And that the woman's end is pitiful. But why link this to the call centre industry?

The media seems to want to play up the "night shifts are unsafe for girls" tune rather loudly. At least when Pratibha Murthy was raped and killed last year by her company's cab driver, there was genuine concern about security. Several constructive discussions took place, and measures taken to tighten security for women. But in Tania's case, there was no reason to have pulled up her company's name, as she was murdered by a deranged colleague (full story here) and this could've happened to anyone working in any industry.

Night shifts are not a new phenomenon. There have been doctors, nurses, airline staff, and several other professionals who have been working in unearthly shifts much before the acronym BPO was even coined! Why no brouhaha then?

Would it then be fair to say that the media is jealous of the money and employment opportunities that outsourcing companies are bringing to India?